Okay, so who's seen the G.I. Joe movie? Raise of hands? Okay, who actually watched the old TV show and played with the toys when they were kids? I mean the 6" action figures, not the "Barbies with Guns" kind. (Yes, I am aware that the original G.I. Joe was a Barbie sized doll, but he wasn't as much an action figure as he was a boy's Raggedy Ann.) Okay, that's fewer hands. How about this one: Who actually read the comics? Hardly any, eh?
This is how I feel when I talk about G.I. Joe with my friends. Half of them never even heard about it until those crappy Youtube PSA spinoffs. If ever I mention something about a "Weather Dominator" they think I'm some mad scientist or something. But now...there's this movie. And I have to say, it's freakin'... average.
When will directors learn that a shaky camera does not equal more action? Yes, when it was first done in certain war movies, it added greatly to the experience. But without a clear shot of the action, it's hard to tell what's going on. In a war movie, you don't have to know what's going on. It's war, it's supposed to be a mindless clusterf---. But in a movie that feels more like an extended saturday morning cartoon? Really. Aside from the jumpy action, I was happy with how the characters came out, for the most part. It didn't get too involved, while at the same time it gave us enough to know who was who and who did what. Again, just enough to have fun and enjoy the ride. And I'll admit, it was pretty fun.
The things I most definitely did not like were the flashbacks. Yes, there was some backstory that needed to be exposed, but it was done in such a disjointed manner. What ticked me off the most was Stormshadow and Snake Eyes, the two ninjas. Rather than show two kids punching each other over some wonton, it would have been much clearer if Stormshadow had just taunted Snake Eyes while they were fighting. Not only would it have established their rivalry, but the arrogance in his voice would have made Stormshadow appear that much more like the slimy cockroach he is. (Also, what's with the molded lips in Snake Eyes' suit? Am I the only person that was disturbed by that?) At least he kicked butt and never said a word. Classic Snake Eyes.
**Spoiler!**
Also, why in all that is holy did they kill off Stormshadow? I mean, these two guys have the biggest, nastiest rivalry in the entire Joe universe! How can you not keep it going?!
**End Spoiler!**
In conclusion, I liked it. Not much better than Transformers, but hey, they're both based off of toy lines for crying out loud. Oh, and what is up with Cobra Commander? Is a slick metal veneer not sinister enough? I mean, you can almost see through that mask in the movie. It's ridiculous. He's supposed to represent the "faceless terror" of worldwide threats of peace. I just... don't see that.
Anyways, my ranting is done. What did you think of the movie? Good, bad, almost as sucky as DragonBall? Tell us!