Magical Sailor Fuku

this is my first caption so leave comments. If people like my first one I will post some more.
warning: boobage http://i517.photobucket.com/albums/u333/hdavis3000/mycap.jpg

Warning: Boobage ^^

Since you're requesting comments I'm gonna assume you're open to some criticism.


Well, the pic is smexy, but that's about all that's going for it.

The grammar needs tightening up, and there isn't a real story there.

Its not a bad story concept, but the delivery needs help.

"See John and Mark.

John and Mark are brothers.

John and Mark angered a witch.

Run John! Run Mark!

See John run fast! See Mark run fast!

John and Mark can't run fast enough.

See John and Mark cursed by the witch.

See John and Mark turn 15.

See the Witch's curse change John and Mark.

See Jami and Mary.

See Jami and Mary...

Oh my.

Look away children!"


I tend to get very verbose. My point is, its not enough just to toss a concept with a picture, although some people stop at that point. You gotta try and write an entire story, whether you use a line, a paragraph, or pages and pages.

Brothers, John and Mark
Cursed, change on their fifteenth year.
Now Sisters; embrace.

That'd be the Haiku version of your concept.

Its not a "Right" and "Wrong" way of doing it, but there are good ways and there are bad ways. We're talking quality rather than a Yes/No sort of thing.

yeah, i liked it but like Rowan just said, its was kind of...short, and...boring...