Black Mage plushie #40: Captain, we're holding orbit above planet Eckspen Deebal and awaiting your orders.
Black Mage plushie #34: ............
(In deep space, a titanic gray sphere slowly crawls toward the fourth planet of the Zkrood system, a huge trail of blue etheral smoke wafting behind it from hundreds of exhaust ports, marking its progress through space)
Black Mage plushie #34: You have the coordinates?
Black Mage plushie #19: Yes, Captain! Everything's ready.
(Black Mage plushie #34 stood up briefly from his chair, his oversized mage hat, handed down from the great Black Mage Stratagemini himself, easily dwarfing that of his plushie bretheren)
Black Mage plushie #34: Then fire.
Black Mage plushie #4: Yes, Captain! (He activates several dials, then pushes a big button as the weapon schematics appear on-screen)
+Weapon active: Ice VIII Cannon+
+Casti... er... Charging time: Two minutes+
+Range: 500,000 miles+
+Radius of effect: One atmosphere+
+Effect: 500d20 ice damage; due to the severe cold induced by the weapon, the atmosphere in question will reach a temperature just higher than absolute zero, causing nearly all molecular motion to halt and all mana wavelengths to be stripped to their most basic energies. For this reason, any creatures' resistances or immunities to magical cold damage is negated for the purposes of this weapon+
+Save: Yeah, right+
+Spell resistance: Fat chance, sucker+
(In space, the enormous "eye" of the Mage Star lights up with a ghostly blue energy, and circles of runes start appearing around the center, each one spinning slowly as another ring appears closer to the point of the weapon being charged)
(After a relatively short charging time, the final seal appears over the center of the "eye," and the runes stop rotating)
*BWEEEEEEEEEM!*
*K-CRACK!*
(In a galaxy far, far away)
"Ben, is something wrong?" Luke asked, deactivating the lightsaber in his hands.
Obi-wan Kenobi slowly sat down, holding his head as his weary eyes blinked rapidly.
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force... as if thousands of voice cried out in terror... and it had absolutely nothing to do with us."
Luke raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Okay. So... now what?"
Obi-wan shook his head. "Nevermind. You'll have to-Oh... Oh... Crap. Yeah, okay. That one was one of ours."
(Back at the Mage Star)
Black Mage plushie #99: Checking scanners...... all life has been extinguished. There's NOTHING down there except ice, ice, and more ice. Every atom has been condensed into a frozen solid mass.
Black Mage plushie #12: It's a success! We did it!
Black Mage plushie #30: Woohoo!
(Black Mage plushie #34 smiled, though it was impossible to tell due to the pitch darkness that was his face)
Black Mage plushie #34: Gentlemen... the Mage Star... is operational. Set course back to MASA.
Black Mage plushie #20: Yes, Captain!
*************************************************************
(At MASA Headquarters in Muffinville, a great banner has been unfurled proclaiming the "Grand Activating of the Mage Star.")
(Within the main lobby, a sign has been posted advertising guided tours of the station. It reads as follows:)
+Guided tours: 1,000 HL+
+Brotherhood membership: %50 off price of admission and restaurants (but not gift shop!)+
+Tour rules:+
+Due to extensive anti-teleportation warding and shielding within the station, no personal teleportation or extra-planar travel is possible into, out of, or within the Mage Star. This includes, but is not limited to, teleportation spells, gate spells, teleportation devices, hyperspace/Warp gates, or summoning spells+
+No outside food or drink+
+No bringing man-portable weapons or using spells with a blast radius greater than or equal to that of most cities. If you MUST have a weapon with that kind of destructive power, please mount it onto an appropriately large and imposing war machine like all civilized people. Thank you.+
+No smoking+
+No hobos allowed+
+Have a nice day!+