Infest

[Mitera Nikkou]

I remember my cross-dressing days... I can't explain it but it had suddenly cropped up and I couldn't help myself. I tried to look/be female and I never realized what I was doing until many years after the fact. ;/ I'm not sure if I was ever caught... There were two really close calls that I remember. <.<; And to be honest, it was probably only through a lack availability that I didn't dress any more girlie than I had. I really don't understand it, but I can only guess that it was a subconscious thing or something. It took me a few years of conscious effort to kill my urges completely. ^_^;

[Selena Aninikkou]

I can't relate to the feeling of being female, because I'm not TS. I'm... something else... though I can relate to the feeling that society at large would never accept you as you are. Being a sufferer of Social Anxiety Disorder, I live with that feeling every minute of every day; the feeling that if you go outside, people will point and laugh at you, or call you horrible names...

[Rowan]

Awwww, *Hugs Selena* I can empathize, although I don't think I'm quite as bad off as you are with that particular anxiety.

[Selena Aninikkou]

I know full well, although HE denies it and yells at me when I mention it, that my social anxiety disorder was directly caused by my father...

When I was very young, I would get frequent screaming lectures from him about "making him look like a fool in front of (insert name of group here)". Over and over and over again. What scares me most about interacting with people? That I might look like a fool in front of them. I can even hear his voice in my head, frequently...

[Raleigh]

Ouch. I won't deny I have a bit of social anxiety myself but its as much because I don't know when to stop acting the fool as it is anything. ((Kinda hard to be embarrassed when one of your earliest memories involves possibly doing the most humiliating thing possible.)) I would say not to worry about it but I know disorders don't work that way. *Pats Selena.* The world truly is a screwed up place but it could always be worse. Thankfully in this day and age social intereaction isn't as limited to face to face concerns as it used to be so its easier to get by than say 100 years ago with the same disorder.

[Christina Anikari]

Social anxiety isn't pleasant, though it is not exactly what i feel myself. I tend more towards a specific fear of expressing certain parts of myself and not fear of being with others as such...i used to feel that way though, it has changed even if i am not sure how it did so. Sorting my gender issues out in my mind might have helped. I'm afraid that i don't have much to say to your case Selly as my own experiences are not applicable and i don't know enough about psychology to avoid the canned answers, but enough to know that those are useless. Like many people i've met around here it sounds like you should do your best to get away from an absolutely horrible family though.