divorce is not fun.

[Lanzerus]

okay for everyone to know my parents are going through a divorce and here hows things are going:

it started when i was around 8/7 years old and my dad was coming home later and drinking atleast 1 beer a day and my mother was getting sick of it, my mother would then go and nag to him about how he has bad habits then turn around and spend several hours on the computer and late at night "cyber" with a man through a chat room

up untill recently ( the last year and a half) they had been living peacefully, until my dad goes "screw you *my mothers name* im getting a divorce!" he then leaves and moves into an apartment and gets me and my brothers on thursdays and every other weekend.

3 months ago me and my two younger brothers were called into the judges office to sort out the case to get a "fair" veiw, which wasn't going to happen since my father works for the county and was bribing the judge, we sat there for hours telling OUR interrpetation of the story.

after a week my mother gets an email telling her that:

1. my father gets 3 weekends a month
2 monday nights from 6:30 - 9 pm
3. rights to 50% of the stuff in our home
4. that my mother could NOT have a male occupant over the age of 18 living in the house that was outside of family

and since then i have alway thought bad about my father, now just recently he wants to take away the ability for me to see my favorite uncle just because he served jail term because his step-daugther lied in court and said she had "been abused" when my uncle wouldn't hurt a fly... so in conclusion this entire post was about how:


I HOPE THE MAN I REFER TO AS MY FATHER DIES A HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATH!

[Mitera Nikkou]

Well, divorce may not be fun, but don't let it get the best of you. My parents got a divorce as well, and if not for that I may not have learned the lessons that I had. Because I was an idiot, you see (still am, really).

I don't really understand how 4 is supposed to work. That one seems to be overstepping someone's liberties, to me. I mean, I understand that it may have something to do with having children, but I just can't see any feasible reason.

[Lanzerus]

warning ALL following posts about "that man" may contain vulgarirties

because he wants to be a general asshole, acting as if what he wants is better than the fact that me, my brothers and my mother are living peole and have desires and needs too.

he is a freaking penny pincher, when we go out to church we will ask to eat some small place for fun, he will instanly come back with, "Eating out costs money, why eat out and get fat when you can eat at home and get JUST as fat for free."

i hate him, i still see no reason to EVER refer to him as my father, for all i care, i was the mailman's child...atleast the mailman is cooler than him.

[Christina Anikari]

While it does seem fair to consider your father most at fault your mother doesn't seem to be perfectly innocent in this either. Nagging someone over a drinking habit that consists of a beer a day is bound to get aggravating for the one being nagged to, especially since there is absolutely nothing unhealthy or deviant about drinking a beer a day, in fact anything resembling an issue starts at an average of 2 beers a day and doesn't exceed the weekly maximum before it is three beers a day. I can also imagine it not exactly helping settle the breach that she is seeing other men, even if it is only online. None of this justifies his reaction to all of this though, especially the rather spiteful vindictive way he reacted with the sudden announcement of divorce and the fourth, rather petty demand he got into the ruling of the judge.

[Stellar]

Yay for dumb male parentals =p

When I was 15 I told my mom I hated living with my dad and step-mom. The visiting arrangments were sort of opposite of your own. My dad had custody of me, so I lived with him and saw my mom only every other weekend, unless I asked to go to her house durring school vacations and such, and she had like certain hollidays that she got to have me on too.

Anyway, back to the main part. I told my mom I hated my step-mom and didn't like living with my dad. She took my dad to court for custody, I talked to a mediator, and said that I didn't want to live with my dad anymore. That was the end of my part, papers were signed, I moved in with my mom and the best part was, there wasn't any sort of set-up where I had to see my dad. Ever.

It might be different with your dad, being able to pay off the judges, but if you can find evidence and catch him in the act that's quite illegal. But in general, when the child in question is seen as 'mentally independant' or whatever, at a certain age (I beleive it's 12 or 13) they have the right to choose what parent they want to live with, and to see what parent(s) they want (Of course, that's all how California works, I've no idea what state you live in, and wouldn't be supprised if the laws weren't to the child's wants).

And that's not really advice either, it took alot for my mom to get that going, so unless the situation is really drastic, I'd say stick it out until you're 18. Life is worth waiting for =)

[Dracos]

Sincere advice Warning

Here's how it looks to me based on how you've described it...

Cons, Father:
-Drinking a reasonable amount of beer
-Coming home late(r)

Cons, Mother:
-Nagging father for above
-Cybering nightly while married

I hate to be the devil's advocate, but the picture you've painted seems to show your mom as the bad guy.

And now your father gets you 3 Weekends a month, plus Mondays for 2.5 hours. That's less than 1/3rd or the time, that hardly seems unfair. 50% of the stuff is standard, and not being allowed to have a male occupant in the house is only to protect you and your brother from her having a potentially abusive man in the house. I'd bet that if your mother wanted to remarry she could get the court to change it as that shouldn't be what that rule is there to prevent. Now, here he seems to have your best interest in mind and he allowed your mother to keep custody of you. Considering her "unfaithfulness," he should have been easily able to get custody, especially if he was bribing the judge.

As for your uncle, this merely reinforces the fact that he is looking out for your safety. Few parents would want their children spending time with someone they thought might be abusive, it's only natural.

I find it sad that you would let your father's concern for you become a reason to hate him. Overprotective parents cause alot of trouble and frustration, but allowing it to breed hate will make things much worse, I've seen it plenty of times. I would merely suggest that you talk to him, and simply ask him why he's doing these things. After he's done talking, tell him why you're angry about it, how you feel it's unfair. Things may not change, but I guarantee that if you really listen to what he's saying and consider his point of view, it will make you feel better about the situation. And likewise, if he realizes how things are making you feel, something might change.

[Lanzerus]

abusive? how the hell could my uncle be abusive, his daughter LIED in court, and because any judge will hardly ever settle in the adults favor, he was pretty much screwed in the ass, i don't care what is pointed out, i know my mother may have more against her. BUT my "dad" was an alcholic, it is a family on his side of the family, he was, his father was, his sisters are.

often he would "go out" with friends and come home throughly WASTED, last time i checked it took a little more than 2 drinks to get that bad.

also, i was taught, by both parents to believe "if it happened in the past, its in the past." just like my uncle his sentence ended 5 years ago. to me i consider that "in the past".

and one more point as i talked with my mother about my uncle she said dad had somethings he wanted swept under the rug as well, so i don't think its right for him to be calling my uncle bad, as the bible says "He who is sinless my cast the first stone."

[Dracos]

I figured you didn't want sincere advice (hence the warning) but I figured I'd give it a try just in case. Fine, you win.

Your father is a horrible person, and you should hate him forever. Everything he does is just an act of petty selfishness. Your uncle is obviously a harmless victim and his daughter in law should be tossed in jail... and... Your mother should be forgiven, but your father should burn in hell for the things he's done to you and your mother.

Better?

[Lanzerus]

...lol. No, i liked the sincere advice better, atleast it wasn't completely one-sided.

[Anamnesis]

(Truthful)
It would further cement the fact that justice is bull$%^* and legalities are too trivial to be trifled with...But Dracos, in all his incessant ramblings, is right. On all accounts @_@
If I were the judge, though, you'd be in a foster home already.