Magical Sailor Fuku

by **Funny Hat + Funny Accent** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:26 pm

As I said basically in the topic I did a poem recently for English. The interesting thing about the assignment is that I have to submit to Mosaic, the school literary magazine. I have it posted on my DeviantArt account, but here's the link anyways: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/48820086/. Any comments or criticism would be appreciated. Also, try to find out who the "You" is in the poem and find what I keep referencing in it.

by **Mistress Guendolen** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:35 pm

Overall, I thought it was very good. One very small correction, though; in the last stanza, there doesn't need to a comma after "axe." Perhaps you wanted the pause there- I don't know what your artistic vision is for this, after all- but grammar-wise, it's really not necessary. In fact, the pause feels a little awkward to me. Other than that, though, it moves smoothly. Not sure who the person being referred to is, though. I'd have to know more about you personally before seeking to interpret that further, I think. I tend to hold that the meaning of a poem is most often found in the meaning it holds to the author.

by **Josh-May** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 8:46 pm

indeed a good poem.

by **Funny Hat + Funny Accent** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:49 pm

Actually, i meant to delete that comma, but I just forget things when I'm busy so that didn't get done. Thanks for the comments and criticism though!

by **Musashi** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:17 pm

That was really good! It made me feel all warm and fuzzy in my heart. ^^ It has a very nice flow to it, I think. *Nodnod*

And I know who you're talking about~ I talked to 'em about it last night. XD

by **Mistress Guendolen** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:07 pm

You're welcome. Hey, everyone makes innocent little mistakes. It's just that, well, I majored in English and am now a professional proofreader, so I couldn't help but mention it.... I'm literally doing what I was trained to do, here.

Aires Drake wrote:Actually, i meant to delete that comma, but I just forget things when I'm busy so that didn't get done. Thanks for the comments and criticism though!

Website · by **Helel** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:41 pm

Guendolen wrote:You're welcome. Hey, everyone makes innocent little mistakes. It's just that, well, I majored in English and am now a profession proofreader, so I couldn't help but mention it.... I'm literally doing what I was trained to do, here.

Ah yes, cause even the professionals can't be entirely perfect themselves. ;P

Well done, Aires. ^^

by **Mistress Guendolen** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:45 pm

Yup, that's right. I too make mistakes, as has just been proven. We're only human, after all. Especially when only quickly skimming an internet post.

Magical Sailor Fuku

Aires+English Assignment=Poem???

Aires+English Assignment=Poem???

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