Magical Sailor Fuku

This is the finished version of the story I posted before. Well its for all intents and purposes finished. All comments and constructive critism is welcome.

Also since it may be offensive or whatever, I just warn that it might. Probably not, but you never know.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/17039455/

Would have replied to this sooner, but the page wouldn't load when I first tried. ^_^; Anyway... The mood and setting were good. But I think how he died should be cleared up a little... Usually, when poisoned, you feel pain somewhere. *Shrugs* not that I'd know to be certain of that. And it really does seem like he's just being disoriented by a drug, and she'll kill him in some other fashion once he's out. I mean, it's obvious he'll die, but not how. That's how I see it, anyway. ^o^;

I'm going to go back and fix the ending since that seems to be the problem people have with the story. I may also go back and add some more to the main body of the story.

I'm also starting to think about what story to do next.

Hopefully something with alot of blood and guts. ^_^ I mean, deathscythe13x must hint at something, ne? ^o^