A little backstory thing I'm working on.

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A little backstory thing I'm working on.

Postby Aaron » Wed Jan 04, 2006 1:37 am

Rather then trying to summarize everything in the appropriate character thread, I decided to actually write out the most significant part of the backstory in prose form. So, here's the first part for the eyes of anyone who actually wants to read it. There's not a lot story related going on (mostly set-up with a bit of important story in it) in this chapter, but any subsequent chapters will have a more finite story. Like it, hate it, feel free to comment. I'm going to be writing for a living, so I'm open for criticism or requests for information.

But, anyways, without further ado.

The King and the Pawn

Technology of the Guardian world- Ocular lens- A device resembling a clear contact lens, the ocular lens was developed in the General’s empire as basic equipment for soldiers. The device holds several settings, including: scope, night vision, infrared, recorder, and energy sight. Once the lenses are in the eye, the settings can be switched by touching the temple. The lenses are popular among rebels, who take them off of General’s forces that are killed or captured. Currently, an enhancement isolating the energy signal of the guardian is being researched.


“General, we have progress in tracking the guardian.â€
Aaron
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Postby SweetSophia » Wed Jan 04, 2006 10:53 am

Interesting story. Very creative. Like how you wrap the background information into the story.

Now, I get nitpicky.

Gramatically, you were a bit redundant in places. In paragraph six, I think, instead of using anomaly twice, you could use fluxuation or maybe different pattern.

Oh. and in
It was a far cry from the typical home scene that might appear on the propaganda posters, but they were far different from the rebels who appeared on the same posters.
You could say they were 'different from the rebels who appeared on them' or 'those.' You don't need to write out posters twice to get the message across.

Then there's 'then' and 'than'. 'Than' is used in comparisons, 'then' is used when something comes after something else. You used 'then' instead of 'than' alot.

Other than that, I can see no problems, although now I must find out how 'Atk' is pronounced.
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Postby Aaron » Mon Jan 09, 2006 7:18 pm

hmm, I see. Thanks for the advice.

"atk - At'kuh"

En Passant

Technology of the Guardian world- Realm Hop- The discovery of realms (often called ‘dimensions’) occurred in the world not with a big bang, literally. Since then, more then 100 different realms of the plane have been discovered, although many of them uninhabited. The realm hop, a luxury item among the wealthiest, can be used to travel the various realms. The device fits on the wrist and works similarly to a radio. Each realm has its own frequency and, by tuning and activating the device, the realm hop releases a field that will carry anyone within its energy sphere to the other realm. Caution should be used when using a realm hop, since the device will transport the user to another realm, but geographically the same point within that realm, and trips by those who have planned poorly have been known to end fatally in an active volcano or in the middle of a mountain. It is recommended that users only use realm hops in places that are known to be safe across the realm traveling to. The existence of realms has led some theorists to believe that a level encompassing all possible realms exists. This is known as the Planar Theory, but is only a theory at this point.


Scott Collins was the leader of the rebellion. Intelligent, strong, and determined, if there was anyone who a rebel did not want to cross, it was him. He was certainly younger than he looked, with his beard littered with grey hairs. He always had a tired expression on his face, and for good reason. The rebellion had grown a lot since he had started it. He had operatives all over the world and in many different realms. Granted, it wasn’t anything near the General’s fleet, but he liked to think it was a significant force.

Then she came along. Maria Avon, the previous guardian, begged him to protect her from the General’s troops. Scott was always willing to protect those who asked. Many have said is over-eagerness to trust was what would lead to the defeat of the rebels. But it served him well, as did Maria Avon.

She may have needed help to hide, but she was worth her weight in diamonds to him. He had never heard of the Guardian before she came to him, but he soon realized the power that was behind those seals, the power that could send entire units to their knees.

But she was gone, and in her place was a little kid. It was really in honor of her that he protected the new Guardian, well, that and not wanting the General to get a hold of him. At first, Scott thought that Aaron was nothing but a waste of space and supplies, but as news that the rebellion had found the new Guardian spread around, he saw a stark change in his troops all over the world. He realized that the true value of the Guardian was not in the magic of the seals, but in the hope it brought to the rebels. The Guardian meant freedom. He meant liberation. He meant hope.

He was a symbol, a better symbol then Scott himself, of the entire resistance. He was something the General wanted that he could not have.

That’s why Scott decided to be by the Guardian’s side himself. But the task was growing more and more difficult. Even when he managed to get a realm hop, they couldn’t hide the Guardian from the General’s forces. He didn’t claim to understand everything about realms, but the General seemed to have forces in nearly every realm that the Guardian could be hidden in.

But realms were strange things. With nearly every frequency discovered, only 3 species exist within them. The human is the most common in all the planes, although there are some slight variants between various realms. The spirits exist, although it’s not really known which realms they each exist in and which they don’t, but their power spreads across the entire plane. Dragons were discovered in only one realm and, in that realm, there weren’t many of them.

* * *

A blinding light subsided as five figures appeared in a long, grassy plain. In front of them was a large mountain composed of black rock. Scott looked around for a moment, checking their location on a device and nodding. Behind him was Aaron and Aaron’s mother and, behind them, there were two rebels, each holding large barreled handguns.

The woman walked forward as she scanned over the field. “Where are we?â€
Aaron
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Postby Aaron » Sun Mar 05, 2006 10:40 pm

Checkmate

Technology of the Guardian world- Mage’s Best Friend- Originally developed in the General’s domain, the electronic energy modifier (known among the rebels as a Mage’s Best Friend) has since fallen out of use among the organized army, which has mages that fulfill a variety of roles anyways. The device is still very popular among the rebel’s mages. The device can fit either over a mage’s hand or on a focus item, if there is one. By channeling their energy into the device, a mage can subsequently use the device to change it into a variety of other energy types, all of which are programmable. The standard device can save up to 10 energy alterations, the most common being: fire, water, ice, electricity, smoke, wind, light, earth, shadow, and shield. There is a danger of energy overload, which could cause the device to explode, but as of now, there are only two mages who are believed to hold that much raw magical energy on their own, the Guardian and the General.


Tristan Jones yawned as he stretched out in the spacious area that made up the scout-shell. The device was certainly one that could make men claustrophobic, but he loved it. The shell was a rigid cloth most of the time, but when an electric current was passed through it, it became hard enough for a small vehicle to drive over it without breaking. The photoreceptors mimic the ground below, making it perfect camouflage. Inside the device was the hardware, a small radar system, radio-wave tapping equipment and some small communication equipment.

His job was simple enough, he was to wait and report back to base if anyone came onto the radar. But this close to base, nothing ever came on radar.

At least it usually didn’t. He was awoken by a sound. At first, it was very faint, but soon it grew. He turned and tapped the radar screen several times before finally realizing what was going on.

“Scout to base, I have something on radar.â€
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Postby Aaron » Tue Aug 08, 2006 9:08 pm

Castle

[i][quote]Terminology of the Guardian World- Magic- The use of magic is governed strictly by the spirits. All the energy in the world is derived from them. Magic is the manipulation of this energy. For one to have the power to manipulate magic, they must first be born with “The Vision.â€
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