Green Green Squared

[Garath the Shadowshifter]

A few comments before the story:
It's been forever since I've submitted anything to this site in general. Why? Several reasons. One being my 'projects' are only a few chapters done, and untill EVERY chapter is done, I've neglected to release them.

Also, that darn drive of mine (My D drive died) burnt out on me, deleating alot of my work I'm still not sure I can get back.

However I did have this lying around. It's something I wrote to get my juices flowing. Will I finish it? I want to. All I can say is I 'want' to. Read from that what you will.

Important:

This story is a sequal of sorts to the anime Green Green. If you have not seen the entire show THIS INCLUDES THE 13TH EPISODE. (which is hentai so watch out if you plan on seeing it)

This story may not make sense if you haven't seen the show. Hopefully I'm not the 'only' one to have watched it. ^^;

Now for the story:


Ever had one of those dreams? One of those dreams that ends abruptly when this loud droning sound keeps repeating over and over? I just had one of those dreams. It was a pleasant dream. I had been happy in it, but with many dreams, upon being awakened by my rather annoying alarm clock, it was quickly fading into darkness. I did know one thing about this dream however. It was something that happened many of times. In this dream I had a purpose.

"Beep, Beep, Beep," Went my ever diligent alarm. Groaning I finally crawled my way out of bed to walk over and shut the thing off. Peering at the displayed theme I confirmed it was indeed only seven in the morning. Just enough time to get ready to catch the bus to work. Hitting the reset button I wondered why I just didn't set this thing on the music setting for the alarm.

Setting that aside, I made my way to my dresser and grabbed first a fresh change of clothing, and then a washcloth. I then stumbled into my bathroom and prepared to take my shower. Same old route I did every weekday. Same old shampoo, same old soap, same old sleepy feeling I had every morning.

I hated the same old thing all the time.

Though looking in the mirror I saw one thing I guess I didn't mind staying the same. I didn't think I was the handsomest guy around, but who was? My short brownish hair, my dull with sleep brown eyes. My boyish face. Well maybe not the boyish face part. I hated the fact that without a mustache I looked so young, but I didn't feel like dealing with the facial hair at the moment. That, and my work required us to be clean shaven even there. I simply sighed and got into the shower. No sense worrying about it now.

The name's James. James Edward. I'm a twenty one year old Caucasian male, and right now I had to hurry up and get changed or I'd miss the bus to work. I lived in a rather odd place in the city with lots of woodland patches strewn about randomly. Great scenery, but a pain to commute.

I had to admit, I'd much rather call out sick and go back to watching anime all day, but if I did that I'd probably leave my co-workers short handed, and that was just not something I cared to do. So here I was getting ready.

As I showered I let my mind wander. Thinking back to the most recent anime series I had watched. A rather 'strange' one called Green Green. Sure Yuusuke's friends were morons, but the ending had been amazing. I had even seen the thirteenth episode, which had been nice despite being a hentai. Midori had looked nice with long hair though.

I envied the characters of that anime. Yuusuke's friends were the biggest morons I'd seen in a while, and yet they were still closer to finding a path in life then I was. It was like a curse. I woke up everyday to go work at the same dead end job, and then come home to watch the next anime I had, or play the next game. Just what was I aiming for? What was my purpose in being here? I allowed myself to ponder this for a bit before finally getting out of the shower.

Shower finished, I put my new clothing on, then grabbed my work clothing in my carry bag and out the door I went. It was winter, which meant snow. So as expected, it was kinda cold outside. So a jacket was a must, the last thing I grabbed before running out the door. It was a favorite of mine. Red with bits of black.

I had chosen a black Naruto T-shirt along with a pair of black pants. Of which pocket I fished out my watch from and put it on. That's when I realized it. My watch read seven forty. Not seven thirty. Suddenly the price for my pondering came to me. It had taken up more time then I had thought it did. I had three minutes to make it to the bus stop, which was three blocks away!

My only chance was to cut across one of the woodland areas, so into the trees I went, pushing random twigs out of my way. I only hoped I didn't trip in my wild rush. After a bit of weaving I managed to come into a clearing where a large strange looking tree stood. About a block away I could barley make out the bus stop. But worse was the fact I could make out the bus leaving that bus stop. I was too late.

Cursing I slammed my back against the tree to catch my breath. Great, just Great! I thought as I leaned there gasping for breath. It'd be another hour before the next bus came by. I was late.

Sighing I faced the tree using my right arm to hold myself up. Why did these things happen? Was this my only purpose? To simply live in hardships? Well that wasn't really fair. If I wanted my life to change I had to work for it. That was the problem though. What in the world did I want to work toward?

As I pondered this I realized why the tree looked so strange. Looking up I almost did a double take. I had seen this tree before. I didn't mean on my way to work like I was now, but in another place entirely. It looked so similar I couldn't believe it.

It was an exact replica of the tree Midori disappeared into at the end of Green Green. It looked just as it did in the winter ova to the series I had just watched last night. I seriously almost expected Futaba, or Yuusuke to walk up behind me. Maybe I should take a pic of it? I could go back for a camera.

"You give a feeling of being greatly troubled," A voice spoke from above me. Startled I took my hand off the tree for the first time to leap backward. Had there been someone watching me from the branches this entire time? How had I not noticed them?

"You seem very sad. I want to know if I can help you?" The voice spoke again. I was sure it was coming from the tree, but there was no one up there. I could clearly see every branch of the thing, and no one was in it.

"You're just like Yuusuke," The voice spoke again, "There has to be a way for me to help you." This time I noticed something about the voice. It was a girls. She sounded familiar too. Especially when she said Yuusuke.

"Um....hello?" I called out hoping I wasn't going mad, "Where are you?"

"Oh dear, I'm sorry," The voice said. Then before I knew it, a green light began to shimmer in the branches. This light grew and grew until it was the size of a person. Though ghostly, I could clearly make out the form of a rather naked girl with long brown hair floating down to me. So I did the only logical thing I could. I fell over backward in shock.

"Please don't be afraid. My name is Midori!" She said happily, "What's yours?" I couldn't make sense of this. First the tree that looked like it came right out of the Green Green anime, and now here I was staring at Midori in the same form she took in the winter OVA. She looked just as cute as I remembered her, only now that I was seeing her in real life, her beauty seemed so much more intoxicating. Due to the sheer shock of seeing an anime character standing in front of me though, I didn't have much time to think about her nakedness. Instead I was trying to form a response to her question.

"I.....uh......that is....... You're Midori!" I managed to spit out. Midori just laughed as she floated there.

"Of course I am! I just told you that! You really do remind me of Yuusuke," She said, "That's why I want to help you. I could feel your sadness when you touched that tree." She pointed to the tree she had come from. Looking at it I finally managed to get my thoughts straight. Why was that tree here? How was she here? Didn't she go back to the future? Her own time?

"Wait, how is this tree here? I thought it was by the Kanenone Academy..." I said. Midori's face changed from cheerful to confused in an instant.

"You mean we're not by the school?" She asked. I shook my head.

"We're not even in the same WORLD. See Midori, I know all about you and Yuusuke. See in my world your adventures at the school is a story. One I loved very much, but only a story here. While it's obviously a real world somewhere else as evident by you being here, it's not real in my world....." I said hoping she understood my meaning. She thought about this quietly for a bit before responding.

"So you know that we couldn't be together...." She said a bit sadly, "But it's ok, he has Futaba, and I'll always be apart of Yuusuke's heart..." She looked back toward the tree dreamingly. I took this moment to ask the other question that had been bothering me.

"But I thought that when you entered the tree, it transported you back to your own time. Why are you here? What happened?"

"Oh it did take me back to my time," She said cheerful again, "I just like to visit the tree in my time period at times. I lean upon it and let myself doze. Sometimes I can almost feel myself back in the time with Yuusuke. It's very relaxing to me."

"Does this mean you enrolled at the school in your time?" I asked, still feeling weird for having a conversation with an anime ghost. Midori, meanwhile nodded vigorously.

"Yep! The same school my dear Yuusuke went to! Perhaps I'll find my new love there, like Yuusuke found his!" She said. I could sense the sadness in her voice when she said that, but she didn't sound of regret. Which meant she was truly happy that Yuusuke and Futaba were together.

"Oh but we are going off topic of why I'm here in the first place!" Midori said suddenly placing her hand to her mouth. I meanwhile was having a harder and harder time concentrating on our conversation as time went by. The more I talked with Midori, the more comfortable I got with the prospect of doing so. The more comfortable I got, the more I began to find myself unable to take my mind off the fact I was seeing a naked girl next to me. My upper lip felt something drip onto it. She had caused me to nosebleed. Hurrying I tried to wipe it away. Luckily Midori was rather spacey.

"So how about it? Anything you'd like help with?" She asked floating her face right in front of mine. Yeah I thought, but in that state you couldn't give it to me. Of course out loud I said,

"Not unless you know a way of unsticking a life."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just......" I began looking into the sky like I was trying to focus upon something far off, "All my life I've felt without purpose. I do the same things everyday wishing for an escape. It's like my life has no meaning. Sometimes I wonder if there is even a point to me being here. I just wish there was some place I could go that'd help me realize what I'm suppose to do!" I humphed in frustration. I didn't know why I was suddenly telling her all this. I mean not only did I just meet her, but she was a freaking ghost! Yet it was like there was some energy about her that just made you speak your heart.

"Is that all?" She asked tilting her head. I couldn't believe she knew I was still hiding something.

"Maybe......" Was all I said in response however. She playfully flew around me twice to once again float in front of my face.

"I wonder......am I a good person? Or rather...would I make a good......boyfriend?" I said barley getting that last part out. As it was I was blushing. Midori seemed to be happy I didn't lie however and flipped in the air in her cheerfulness.

"I knew you were hiding something!" She said, "I think I have just the answer to all your questions! But it'll come with a price" This frightened me a bit. Talking to a ghost Midori was strange enough, but what if this wasn't really Midori? What if I had found some evil spirit bent on taking my soul and was using my knowledge of Green Green to trick me?

"What's the price?" I asked hesitantly.

"It's nothing bad," Midori said but her face was confused, "Though I'm not sure exactly what it was. Reika just told me there would be a price one would have to pay for me to do this." I remembered that name. Reika was the messenger of fate sent to earth to keep an eye on Midori during the series. I guess in retrospect anyone else would run away in this situation, but the feeling I was getting from Midori just told me she wasn't evil. So I decided to accept.

"Ok," I said, holding out my hand in a friendly gesture, "I accept."

"Great!" Midori said shaking my hand. Then all you have to do is touch the tree when I go back inside it. After you do that, all your questions will be able to be answered! I nodded as I watched her fly back into the tree. As soon as she had the tree began to glow a bright green color. It was truly beautiful to behold. Not wasting a second I walked up and placed my hand upon the bare bark and closed my eyes. I'm not sure why I did, I just felt it was the right thing to do.

I felt as if the world suddenly began to swirl around me as I stood there. Despite my eyes being closed I felt myself getting dizzy. Before I could stop myself I could feel it as I began falling backwards. I braced for the ground, but it was like time had slowed. My body then began to burn like fire causing me to scream out. Had I been wrong? Had that really been an evil spirit and now I was going to hell? I had no time to think about this though as the burning intensified. I spent only a few moments in agony before my world was plunged into darkness.

* * *


I came to who knows how much later, laying on my back looking straight up at the full branches of the tree. The leaves moved gently in the wind looking rather peaceful. Great I thought once more that day. I probably was so tired I fell asleep after trying to catch my breath and had probably slept through work. Looks like I took a day off after all. I lay there a bit more on the soft grass wondering what I was going to do next. My body felt really weird and odd. Must be the price of falling asleep outside during the winter.

That's when several things hit me all at once. I was lying on soft not wet grass looking up at a tree will full leaves. The air and temperature told me it was spring. No way had I managed to sleep here THAT long. Something was up. I also noticed that my clothing didn't feel right. I was wearing something with short sleeves, and I distinctly remember having my jacket on, which would naturally have long sleeves. Slowly I got up, and then I wish I hadn't.

I felt something. Something I don't think any guy would consider EVER feeling for as long as they lived. What I felt was a pair of something. Something I was sure was attached to me. Something that SHOULD NOT be there. Looking down I felt my long hair fall into my eyes, disrupting my view before I could confirm what I had felt. This was also not a good sign. The hair was brown. So it was like my hair, but I didn't have hair this long. If it wasn't for the previous something I may have thought for a moment that I had slept a long time again and it grew out. But no, I knew what was going on. The Draft upon my bare legs confirmed it.

Reaching for the foreign some things I braced my self and squeezed. Only to yelp as I felt my hands put pressure on my newly acquired breasts. I could feel the wind play with my skirt, and my now long hair. I had become a girl. Midori had turned me into a girl! What was even more shocking was the sound of the yelp I had made. My voice if I cared to use it, would definitely not be confused for a guys.

Slowly I looked around after brushing my hair back behind my ears. Doing so, I saw a school book bag next to me. I also noticed I was wearing one of the school uniforms the girls in Green Green wore. Hoping for some clarification, I searched the bag for a mirror. Thankfully it had one. I braced myself for what I knew wouldn't be the last time and opened the compact I found.

Staring back at me was Midori's face! The same Midori as she had appeared to me, just not ghostly! I was in Midori's body!? I quickly got up and somehow managed to run up to the tree as I began to slam my fists against it. I almost didn't want to hear it, but I decided I was going to have to use my voice for this.

"Midori!" I shouted in her voice. The experience was very strange. Here I was as a teenage girl calling out to another teenage girl that was in fact me. I suddenly felt dizzy again.

"Midori what is this!? Why am I you? How does this explain anything? I can't go home looking like this!" I shouted. Wait home? It was spring here, and I knew it wasn't spring when I fell asleep. It had been winter, and I had been a guy. So if I was Midori now, and it was spring. Did that mean?

Turning around my last fear was confirmed. In the distance I could see the school building. I was IN Green Green. I was AT the school. Also, I was Midori. I guess this was the price Midori had heard from Reika. But right now I didn't care about that. I didn't care about where I was or who I was. Right now I couldn't handle anything but the fact that I didn't know what to do. Maybe It was being Midori now, maybe it was stress. But for whatever the reason. What I did now was sit there, and cry.

[Kyunji]

I'll start off my review by saying that I've never watched Green Green. Having read its article on Wikipedia, I'll also say that I probably never will, given that it sounds like your typical anime. "Hey look! Here's a guy who likes this girl, but he also likes this other girl too! also many hentais and pornographies all over da place craaaaaazy." (For the love of God, don't take that statement seriously.) At any rate, I'm not familiar with the series, so I can't be entirely fair in judging this story.

If you happen to have seen any of my earlier reviews, you'll know I'm a real stickler for proper spelling and grammar. I'm sorry to say that your mechanics are a bit sub-par. They aren't nearly as bad as some authors', but I noted several key flaws. To point out some major ones:

One problem you have is with character dialog. When a character says something, and their phrase is immediately followed by something like "she said" or "he asked," the first word should not be capitalized. For example:

"You mean we're not by the school?" She asked.

This passage should read as:

"You mean we're not by the school?" she asked.

Another similar issue involves comma placement when characters are speaking. This one is a bit difficult to explain, so I'll just copy what I told Kerina about Mecchen House.

Let's take the following sentence:

"It's just......" I began looking into the sky like I was trying to focus upon something far off, "All my life I've felt without purpose.

In this segment, you've placed a comma after the phrase "something far off." This should be a period, unless you're using a verb indicating how a character communicated something (e.g. "said," "yelled," "whispered,") Therefore, the sentence should actually read as follows:

"It's just..." I began looking into the sky like I was trying to focus upon something far off. "All my life I've felt without purpose..."

Note also that normally, one would use only three periods in an ellipsis (the "...").

If the sentence read like this, however...:

"It's just..." I began looking into the sky like I was trying to focus upon something far off and said, "All my life I've felt without purpose..."

... then it would be correct. I hope this helps.

There are also quite a few issues with comma usage in the story. I can only really suggest that you read a few good novels and closely analyze how their authors use commas, as well as their grammatical usage in general. Once again, I've seen people with grammar much worse than yours, and you have much more hope for improvement than most of them.

Your spelling is okay, for the most part; for the record, "a lot" is two words, and "deleate" should be spelled "delete."

As for the story itself...The concept seems good enough, if a little simple. James body-swaps (well, a one-way swap, more likely) into the body of a girl from Green Green, and the story from the anime continues, probably with him having to attempt to hide his true identity, avoid perverts, etc. I can't say much more than that, owing to the fact that I haven't actually seen Green Green and that you’ve only put up a chapter so far, but I have the feeling that you can probably work out the story's progression well enough.

Now as for my critique: James seems too perceptive of what's going on. While this lends style to the story, letting readers know that he's smart enough to realize what he's doing, it seems just a tad too detailed in some places. He is almost instantly able to tell Midori what's going on when she appears in front of him, and realizes in seconds that she comes from what is "obviously a real world somewhere else." There are some other spots like this one, too, that I can’t recall at the moment.

You do a good job of communicating James's angst, even if it's not entirely to my tastes. Perhaps if he held off on his mental monologues about how much his life sucks, he would get to work on time? =P

In conclusion, your story has some major issues that need to be addressed, but has the potential to be good, particularly for fans of Green Green. Please don't take this review as just being harsh, embarrassing criticism; rather, view it as a tool to improve your writing and author better stories in the future. The only way to improve ourselves is to take criticism and use it to better our lives.

[Garath the Shadowshifter]

Heh I like you, I like you a lot. :P

Ok I realize that probably sounds very freaky, but honestly you are the first person to REALLY give me some pointers on what I need to improve next in my writing. I'm very gratefull for this information.

As for the ellipsis. Well personally I've found three to be too few on ocasion. So I guess my question would be: Do they really matter that much? If my reader will be annoyed by such a thing I'll take measures to stop. Otherwise I guess it's just my style.

Part of James' perception probably comes from the fact I wrote this on a whim and didn't put too much effort into it. The story's purpose was to get me in the mood of writing without having to worry about the pressure of getting it perfect, or close to perfect.

James' perception of "A real world somewhere else" Well I think I need to protray why he knows that. As I'm sure most authors do, I took basically the 'core' of myself and worked with it in order to create a character that's like me in some ways, and very much unlike me in others. I myself believe that all anime worlds exsist in some other world, so it's only natural he would too.

Granted the readers don't know that unless I tell them.

Your suggestion of reading a good novel and paying attension to how the author uses comma's and other such formats is sound, but it's something I'd be unable to do.

When I read a book it's simply to read it. To get lost in the story. If I was reading it in a way that I was trying to analyze it...

It'd only drive me crazy within very few minutes. I really want to get into a college class for writting, but that's a story for another place and time.

I don't know if this will make any sense, but when I read I'm focusing on the 'soul' of the book. The structure and pace are both important, but they are like the 'skin' and 'shape' of a person. They do play a part in my attraction to them, but that's not really what I'm looking at.

(And before anyone tries to get me with that last statement it's the 'personality' that I'm talking about with people. Not something else. Get your minds out of the gutter. :P)

[Arkain]

Yes, the ellipses matter. Using more has nothing to do with the length of the pause.

In fact, using them too often is usually a bad sign.