Magical Sailor Fuku

Hi Gitskreig here.

This is my first attempt at a fic. It is a FF story probably set between the game and advent children. I am not really sure where this story is heading because it has been a while since I have worked on it. There will be a running element which could be seen as TG which will be seen in the first part. As this is my first work helpful critisism will be appreciated.


Seals of memories
Part 1

The memories of that day still lay heavy upon him and haunted the darkest recesses of his mind. Even a year after Meteor had been destroyed he would still see those cold green eyes staring at him from a shadow in his mind. Whenever he closed his eyes he could see the last look on her face as the long, cold blade slid through her chest stealing the last ancient life from the form of this young quiet girl from the sector 5 slums.

Sleep came rarely for Cloud now, as the same old nightmare would come to him again and again. Tonight was no different, the same cold sweat washed over him as he saw her encased in the holy crystal as the blade descended upon her. As the life left her he could see her staring at him and again failed to notice the pale, glowing white stone that could have saved her as it sank slowly into the clear water below them. He looked back and his eyes widened in shock. He was alone, his companions had gone, he was alone with the worst of his fears.

*Darkness*

“Find me hereâ€

Well since nobody else has, I'll add my comments.

I'm no expert so I can't tell you too much on story format, though I do believe there should have an empty space inbetween all paragraphs when posting a story on a message board like this. There were some spelling mistakes. 'A hatch was opening in the middle of the room as thought the floor'

As thought the floor?

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand what you are talking about when you mention this 'bind' thing. It may just be that I'm having a brain malfunction, but you might want to make that a bit clearer.

As for the story idea ITSELF, I'm interested. One of the major things I've learned about story telling is you need to hook your reader so they'll want to finish the story, and I think you've done a good job there. I defently know I'm going to be reading the next part to this if you release it.

I'm not too good at giving advice like this, I hope I'm not comming off as a know it all or something.

Anyway, hope I was helpfull in some way.

Hi, yeah you have been of help, hadn't spotted that typo so thanks.

Im currently about halfway through the second half so it will probably be up by the end of half term (19th).

Thanks for the compliments, you have now made it known to me that people have not been not commenting cuz im rubbish.

Seals of memories
Part 2

Cloud lay awake, gasping for breath, the sound of water in his ears from the fountain outside the only thing telling him he was awake and back in Kalm.
As he lay there the first orange rays of the dawn started to flitter through the window. Looking out he saw the wreckage of Midgar and the smashed ghost of the Shinra HQ still perilously balanced upon the crumbling ruins.

“A dreamâ€

Hey peeps.

Third part up now. From this point on there will be more Aeris 'possessions'. As is hinted to in this part these will have a slow TG affect on Cloud, however, all is not what it seems.

Enjoy


Seals of memories
Part 3

“Aeris…â€

Gitskreig that was long but a small amount interesting.
it would be better if you were to make it a full length story with some animations. Killer_conquest

I'm not really good with commenting and stuff, but I do look forward to the next part.

One thing that caught my eye, however, was "Areis", instead of "Aeris." Is that on purpose for some reason? Of course, since (if I'm right) you're from Europe, they may have given her a different name there... *Shrugs*

Killer
Hi. So you finally read did you? Yes I know it would be cool to have animations with it but as you well know I am anable to...yet.

As for you Nikkou, thanks for the compliments. Yeah I had noticed that. I am currently in the process of fixing that.

Part 4 is going to be delayed due to coursework and and laptop confiscation (my Mums mean) but will hopefully be within a week or 2

Next part. I hated this one. I find it difficult doing speach even for characters I made. But I managed and hey presto, finished chapter. I made the end a little bit humourous as I thought it was getting too serious and I needed an excuse for a mood breaker.

Seals of memories
Part 4

“…That dreamâ€

Enjoying the story so far, since I'm a FF7 fan. Trouble with fanfics though is that not everyone turns out to be a fan, and you kind of alienate the layman. It always pains me to see people pairing Aeris with Cloud, when Tifa loved him so much more. Heck, I don't even think Aeris loved Cloud at all.

Anyways, one thing I personally dislike is dialogue like:

"............."

"........................."

"........"

Between two people without saying who said what afterwards. By saying how they said it it really helps get some more emotion and a better understanding of the dialogue.

And to help non-FF7'ers out please do describe characters/settings. While I know exactly what Tifa looks like, other people don't, and I still like to read a description of her anyways.

Also, I didn't like how you ended some chapters. A chapter end should be more than just where you cut off to stop writing and post what you had so far. That's the feel I got between ch 3 & 4.

On the subject of things I did like, first thing comes to mind is you did a good job with Elmyra's character. The plot is also very interesting and creative, which is the most important thing in any story.

I hope you continue this.

Wow, it's been a loooong time since I posted here, but with exams, laptop conviscations, gaming (yes I admit it, I can resist everything exept temptation) and a heavy dose of writer's block (stupid conversational parts) I have not been working on this in a while. But now it is half term and I have free time, YAY!!.......anyway now that that is over with here's Seals of Memories, Part 5


Seals of memories
Part 5

Cloud came down the stairs muttering to himself. As he reached the bottom he looked with irritation at the others in the room.

“Could someone tell me when this happened?â€

Yay! Another part! ^_^

Wow, i never really realised that people had been activly awaiting a new chapter. Oh yeah, I finally got my lazy ass over to fixing Aeris' name from Areis.

Anyway, I have a good idea for the next chapter so it should be up in the net week or so.