Myth

[Xiao]

A Story form of a one-on-one RP my friend and I do together, it at least was based in the world of Fable, though at the current point that I'm in I'm not so sure. And don't worry, there will be TG elements, but it is not based on them.

The concept and writing style might be found annoying by some, but please bear with me, I am not a great writer. Also to avoid randomness in the story I didn't add a character description, if one is liked I can put one in a post.

Also, the text that is like this: I-I, wa-as going-ing h-home, is my interpretation of talking while trying not to cry, I have gotten a comment on this and would just like to say that now.

Myth, part 1

Myth

Sigdur shivered under the cool fall air, he didn’t remember it being this cold this early in the year before. He handed ten coins to the merchant, took a sack of food and headed home. Earlier that day his mother had told him to get ingredients for dinner, their landlord, Victor Bolero, was joining them for dinner to discuss a rent adjustment. Sigdur’s father had disappeared several years ago on a dragon hunting expedition, and ever since then Sigdur had to help his mother in whatever ways he could.

As he walked home he saw several kids from the school he attended, he didn’t bother to say anything because no one there really liked him. He was stronger than he was smart, but tended to be left out of group sports. Many considered him a freak because occasionally he would experience a small fit of magic where he would sneeze small sparks of electricity, others thought that his eyes were creepy, they were a deep emerald green, but at times they seemed much brighter than they really were.

Sigdur walked inside and saw that his mother was already cooking; he laid the sack of food on the table and walked upstairs to do his school assignments. On the way to his room he attempted to open the door to his dad’s armory, he knew it was locked, his father had the key when he disappeared, it was more of a habit now than an attempt to open it. He walked into his room and began to work.

After an hour of homework and preparing for dinner there was a knock on the door. Sigdur’s mother greeted their landlord has he entered, “Mr. Bolero, I’m glad you could join us.â€

[Chibi MitchellTF]

In the name of all that is sacred, make the 'keep the boy out of this' sentence one of the unintelliglbe ones. It seems like foreshadowing with a hammer.

Good story. I like the 'orphans get in free' thing. It seems like something around the level of Howl's Moving Castle the book, or maybe some tongue-in-cheek fantasy. Though it was dealt with more seriously in this.

[Xiao]

Thanks, there is more, but I think I am going to have to rewrite it, while it is currently about a ten year old boy, I think the writing is a little too juevenile, and the attitudes don't match what I want for the characters. Also, I read that I am not supposed to put full stories on these boards so I will try and find another place to host it.

[Arkain]

I don't know much about Fable, so a lot about the world you're taking for granted I don't know much about.

Then again, it always works out that way, isn't it? I s'pose I just have a bias against using existing worlds.

Nicely written, however. The plot so far is kinda... hrm... how do you say... fast-paced.
Not to mention, it seems kinda incongruous. The landlord turns out to be a dragon and has to lure the mother away to eat her?

[Xiao]

Ah, all in due time.

First, yes it is fast pased, but this is my interpretation of a one on one RP that took place face to face, so this has been lengthened quite a bit, it will start to slow down in the next part (after I revise it XP)

Second, to explain the landlord's actions too much would be a spoiler for later in the story, (near the possible end, depending on how much of the RP I want to cover)

Third, I normally don't use a premade universe, however all I am using is the universe, the only character that appeared in the original game is Whisper, and she won't be used much.

Next Chapter progress:
Re-naming of poorly named characters: 30%
General story: 78%
Illimination of run-on/choppy sentences: 12%
Revision of Grammer: 40%
Character speech styles: 30%