by Arkain » Fri Jan 12, 2007 4:00 am
All right, having read Ch. 4...
I take issue again with changing perspective like that.
Also, you should stay consistent in referencing gender pronouns.
This is very important: If the Captain is going to strip down one of his officers, he will not do it on the bridge in the few of others, ESPECIALLY not inferiors. Officers also do not call down the Captain's orders in the same environment. That's discipline and authority golden rule number 1.
Also, if she's wearing heels, she should probably just take them off. Barefoot would be better.
Yay! Sexy XO!
Oh, JOY, we've got technobabble... you know, wouldn't their ship be able to track the other ship by the bounces off THEIR drives?
Again, the obvious solution to this shoes thingie is to dump 'em...
Dunno, I liked this one better than most of the previous, though it still feels funny.
Arkain, the Patron Saint of People Who Fight Against Being Transformed Instead of Accepting It. Canonized...right about now.