Taralynn's Desk

[Taralynn]

Also true.
Hey, Teffri ought to have plenty of cutting stuffs...

Dang it Arkain! Quit beating me to my own story!

Well, in terms of appearance and clothing, you're dead on. They definatly do fit that stereotype to a T. However, they haven't shown any modification of their mental capacity... they're not fawning over Captain Fawx cause he's 'oh so dreeeeeamy!' So it still feels off to me that they're afraid of the 'big scary muscle men!' Since... you know, they've got zazers, or whatever they choose to call their futuristic beam guns.

Well, the way I look at it is this. The people on the security staff have been trained to use their futuristic weaponry, yes. But that training came as a guy. They learned to shoot as men, and their new "assets" would get in the way of accurate fire, they have an entirely different center of gravity, they have to be in heels just so their feet won't hurt, who knows what kind of mental state they are in due to their transformation in the first place, and if it ends up getting into close quarters combat (which isn't too big of a stretch considering they are on a ship with narrow hallways) they would be outmuscled, no questions ask.
Now if they had trained in the female bodies I wouldn't have used the whole "weak female" philosphy

Say, Taralynn? Can you go over your reasons for putting the navigator into that outfit? I'm a little puzzled why she was so radically... constrained, I guess. Her outfit feels really differnt from all the others.

I think the quotation of mine that Kyunji posted said it best. But an interesting note that I hadn't really thought of was something that a user posted in the Sins: Venials message board. He stated something to the effect of how ironic it was that the person in charge of moving the ship is now the least mobile.

And thanks for pointing out some of the errors. I plan to edit them later today.

[Eri Anikemi]

Well, I had thought of how ironic/odd it was that the navigator was the least mobile. I guess I just don't understand your reasoning there. Why is the pilot of the ship so tightly constrained? You said because she's the navigator and she pilots the ship. Well... yeah...? So what does that have to do with her being in the bondage outfit?

The reason I thought of was because she didn't HAVE to move much, her whole job consisted of moving her arms and hands around the console, not her body. Which she can still do. Hence, the Yrch is free to more radically alter her, since it won't affect her that much.

But you don't seem to be going that way. The Yrch is... ambiguious in his designs. He's able to completely and utterly transform them, but he chooses to turn them into female charactures of the StarForce. That's not exactly 'productive' if his goal is to make them useless or helpless. So that's why I wanted to know "Why?"

It's great for us TG fetishists, but does raise consistency questions in my mind, which is why I bring it up.

Thought: Using the bathroom is going to be a new and very fustrating experience for a lot of these new women! Especially for Garrick, since she has to figure out how to get out of what the Yrch put her in.

[Arkain]

Muwahaha.
I just know where the sharp things are on board... Where someone needs to cut you up.


One would ask, then: Why haven't they been training rigorously to make up for it? Grossly altered as they are, it should only take a little effort.

You know, the Yrch may have an even less innocent purpose than he already has... what's the most obvious difference between men and women?
Reproduction.

He could be a very sick bastard indeed. It's possible he's merely being sickeningly creative in his purpose to cripple the crew.

[Eri Anikemi]

Forgive me, Arkin, but... are you nuts? If the Yrch made them pregnant, then that's perhaps the SLOWEST crippling process I've ever seen! 2 months before any serious impairment at all!?

There's just huge holes with the idea that the Yrch is engaged in some kind of long range phycological warfare with the LEAST important and LEAST useful crew in the entire TSF. There's even more problems with the idea that it's actual warfare.

I mean, come on. This thing can phase in and out of reality, be when and where it pleases. If it was real warfare, it could have killed them. Steal a gun, and shoot it. If it's phycological warfare, why pick such a useless crew? Why in an area where they cannot communicate their state and thus spread panic and fear? And if the planet Yrch Needs Women, why EARTH women??

[Chibi MitchellTF]

As for why they haven't been training a lot to make up for it, it's probably because that would require time to train. Currently, they're working on 'don't panic'.

Also, let's assume that the Yrch has motives, motives which we will likely discover before the end.

[Arkain]

He can alter them rather dramatically, accelerating pregnancy is trivial, but that's not what I meant.

I meant he may simply be on a mission to cripple them and how he goes about that is really personal preference, so long as he gets it done.

[Taralynn]

All right Ch 8 is up. Your questions are JUST on the verge of getting answered. Ever so close!

I think this chapter turned out well, not as well as last chapter but I was pleased with it overrall. The one part I don't think I did as well as I had hoped was showing that the Captain is getting nervous.

Also, Pip pointed out a few grammar errors to me and I remember all but one that he showed me. It drove me nuts because I couldn't find it. If you guys find in the story some obvious subject-verb agreement or an obvious misspelling show me where it was because It's driving me nuts that I can't remember what it was.

I wish I had watched a little bit of Star Trek before writing this. That way I could maybe describe thigns on the ship in greater detail so people don't immediately think of the Enterprise when I describe something.

Well let me know what you thought I did well and also what could be improved.

[Arkain]

Technically speaking, the autopilot should be keeping the ship steady. No human can come close to comprehending intersteller space, after all, and the less interference from a human at that speed, the better.
False sense is two words.
Fry, not friy ;D
Technically, they're moving on inertia.

Don't underestimate rocks... at respective space velocities a soda can could core a ship... ;D

Gasp! SUSPENSE!

Although I feel you spent too much time on the outfit thingie, I liked this'n.

[Eri Anikemi]

I personally do like the outfit descriptions. It helps me establish a better visual image of what's going on in the story. I didn't know for example that there were foot pedals on the starship pilot console.

And this is a space opera. Everybody knows that:

a) In space, loud noises are even louder, since there's no air to get in the way.
b) constant thrust = constant movement. If you stop thrusting, you stop moving.
c) interstellar space is completely empty, except for very large objects like wandering astroids, planets, and ships. All of which can be detected by "sensors" with no difficuty.
d) Absurd tech can be whipped up at a moments notice, and only a tiny bit of scientfic sounding words to back it up. (Tacyon poisoning?! Good lord!)

The writing was a little cramped, but you did a good job in spacing out the dialogue and delivering the 'punch' to the reader. Some of the movements and actions still feel a little stiff or artifically wooden, and I didn't exactly see a 'desk' on the bridge of a starship, let alone a rubber band holding together ballpoint pens! That really broke my disbelief.

That being said, the story is moving nicely, and now we finally see a motive for the feminization of the crew that fits. Revenge. Along with a little bit of history for what happened to Captian Fawx. Who probaby will live up to her name very soon.

[Arkain]

I meant for Garrick's outfit. "Yeah yeah, we get the point already." kinda thing.

[Taralynn]

I believe I mentioned a desk in the Captain's ready room in the chapter where he pulled Petton aside and talked to her... I think it was chapter four. Correct me if I'm wrong.

As for ships only moving if their engines are on, the way I imagined it, was that to go past light speed they have to go somewhere light moves faster, hence subspace which works like a pocket dimension. But their momentum in that dimension doesn't carry over to to normal space, hence why they stop when coming out of superluminal speeds.

As for tachyon poisoning... well... yeah it felt kind of cheesy but I felt it would be the best particle to use since (I had to do research to find this out) the tachyon is the theoretical particle that moves faster than the speed of light which would make sense for a light plus drive to have.... maybe.

Still proud how it turned out overall though. I think I've done a sufficient job building up the tension to this point. I'm really hoping I can deliver on next chapter.

[Taralynn]

Yes, it took forever but I finally broke through my writer's block yesterday and sat down and wrote chaper 9. I liked it. Be sure to read the comments and comment yourself... now excuse me while I go to sleep. I'm very tired from staying up late to finish up writing it and from a very busy work and school schedule...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Funny Hat + Funny Accent]

I guess as the first person to read this, I must say that you did a great job with this chapter!

[Chibi MitchellTF]

I agree. All motives explained.

[Taralynn]

Really? Whew, I was a bit worried they didn't come out well.