Wishing you well from the Twilight

[Stellar]

Where oh where has the Stellar one been?

*Stellar shrugs* I've been right here, but not quite. Over the past few weeks I've been reassessing myself, my goals, and the next steps I have to take to continue my trasition to be female. -In short I've spent more time then I should have researching beyond the general "You take these pills, after a few years you grow boobs, you change your name, then get your sex reassigned."

I may have spent too much time doing so, but it was reassuring. I've found numerous pages of other MtFs from all age groups and feel that if I don't give up I can acheive a satisfying physical persona. I finally learned what the procedure is that removes the testicles (It's an orchidectomy~!), and everything that encompases their removal; only to determine that it'd be in my personal best intrest to just not under go it.

Many of the women I've found that began hormones at my age all turned out beautiful. And as the months have passed (a whole seven months of hormones ^_^) customers question me more and more about my gender, most of them not directly, but I've come to notice when someone is glancing to make their own conclusion.

Anyway, the next steps i have to take have been just as preoccupying to my mind as the various websites I've searched. How much longer should I wait to change my name? Should I try for a new job soon after changing my name? Would I beable to control my voice 24/7 (I sound like a girl most of the time, but after I warm up to people for some reason my voice loosens up and I sound more boyish)? And what the hell should I change my name to? x_x

Give me insight MSF! I'm lost on my own =(

I've also been researching deeper into the GED and high school alternative programs. I know I can pass the GED, but taking the extra month or so to complete a high school alternative sounds more appealing. I just don't have the slightest idea where to go to learn about it.

I dunno. I never know. Things will always happen how they intend to, not the way I do. I can't figure out why I try to plan.

Enough of that. This is sort of me trying to be active. It kinda seems difficult to post nowdays though... I can't create a caption for the life of me, there's someting wrong with the Nook and I can't quite put my finger on it to correct it yet, and I can't keep up with 80% of the roleplays that occur here. The only consolation is talking here in the Tea Room about real life, but I'm the only one who really shares (because I have no one else to talk to, and at least I know someone might read this here, unlike my myspace -_-) and it's not often that other discussions inspire me to press the reply button...

Thanks for reading

[Rowan]

*Glomps Stellar*

*SNUGS!*

That is all ^____^

[Mitera Nikkou]

Just do what I do and carry onward with a graceful step! Which is to say that one should find peace of mind so they can see more clearly their path and choices. How else do you think I've managed to stay alive for so long? ;p

You're picking up the guitar, right? You can even work on finding peace of mind there. Instead of focusing on the grasping of the tunes, just take some time to feel out the sounds and make melodies that way. You know, find something that works for you. You'll know when you find peace of mind when you can think without thinking and remain level-headed when before your thoughts would have made you anxious, or stressed, or other things of that nature. Just relax and you'll find your natural flow. :O

[SweetSophia]

The amount of time you choose is completely up to you. It's how you feel comfortable and how you want to live. Your voice, well I've never heard your voice and frankly I don't know how long you can keep it up. Maybe you should try talking like that an entire day, like if it isn't a good time on weekdays or at work, on the weekends or when you get a day off. Speaking rather frankly, there are a ton of women out there, several of whom I know who I guarantee have a more masculine voice than you. I don't know if it's a comfort to you, but it always makes me feel better.

As for names, well that's something you have to decide yourself too, but until you do I'm going to give it a shot.

Rather obviously, have you ever considered Stella? It's from the same root word as Stellar and rather means the same thing. I know that I call myself Sophia now just because I'm so used to being called Sophia on here. I could probably suggest some names if you like wanted a name that evoked some kinda specific concept or idea. Just from the whole Stellar thing, I'd probably also suggest looking into Estrella, Estelle Celeste, Astrid, Danica, Starla, Tara, Twyla or Vesper. That's just building on the whole Star thing though. If those don't click, I can totally think of more.

[Sensei Kimiko]

I'm not sure what kind of advice I can legimately give here, but I will try.

Only you can judge what is best for you, though I do strongly advocate finding a group for support. If you think about it, you are going through puberty again in a way and that is rough for anyone.

Again only you can decide if you want to get 'the operation' I know more than a few people on both sides of the issue. Some NEED to have it removed for thier own mental health. I also know some that have money issues and can't afford to. Lastly I have met at least one MtF that couldn't on religious grounds, feeling that ammounted to self mutilation. The only caution I can offer is think long and hard. Once it's gone, you can't get it back. In a related note, I have no idea on your hopes for a family, but before you go too far, I'd seriously recommend that you look into freezing some sperm. You might not ever need it, but if you do you'll have it.

In so far as jobs are concerned, I'd have a seriously long talk with your HR person. In general, most trasitions will require you to find a new place to work. It can be adjusting to the new you that is hard for co-workers. I read of one case in Tokyo where a government employee had to move because the XX women refused to share a locker room with her even after the transition. That being said, some companies are very open and you might just have to transfer to a new office, department, etc. In a few cases where there is a huge turnover or you are a really valued employee they might find something for you. If you still feel you have to move on, talk to your manager. If they like you, they may be willing to help you. They might be able refrence you using your new name to make things easier.

The voice is important yes, but more importantly is the look, mannerisms, and what you say. Word choice and body language will cover for a lot. I can't say if it is true, but when you train yourself to speak like the other gender like that it helps reinforce the tone.

I am really opposed to the GED in most cases. You might consider contacting the school board about finishing that alternative high school. At the least, they should be able to provide you with alternative. If you have no other choice, the GED might work, but it will seriously limit you in the future, especially if you want to continue your education.


As for a name, two of the most popular choices I have heard from people in transition appear to be a feminized/ andronized version of thier old name. There are some advantages for people that now you in adjusting and it makes things less akward if somebody makes a mistake.

If that fails because there is cross gender name or if you prefer, ask your parents what name they would have chose had you been born the gender you want to transition to. Most parents have a name picked out for both boys and girls so you might find something there.

I hope it helps.

[Stellar]

*Stellar hugs Rowan* And that's certainly better then nothing =)


Nekkid you always manage to make sence even when you dont. That's pretty much how things happen though, which is why I can't stick to a plan because it doesn't follow the 'natural flow' as you put it XD


Sweets, if you're ever on IRC ask Kira what my voice is like, I've chatted with her over the phone. And if you happen to use ventrilo I could invite you to my friends ventrilo server~ Other then that I really dislike the name Stella.. I kinda like Twyla, but I think I've got something in mind.


Kimiko, I wouldn't know where to find a support group, but I'm certainly not against going to one.

You're thinking about SRS. I am going to go through with that, hopefully within 2 years. The orchidectomy I mentioned is a simple outpatient procedure that only removes the testicles =p The reasons I don't want to do it is because some SRS surgeons wont perform SRS if an orchidectomy has been preformed already, and over time the scrotum will shrink without the testicles (which limits the amount of available skin for SRS and i'm already lacking ;x)

I already have a child, so that's not much of an issue. But the issue of a new girlfriend eventually wanting children could be.

I'm not really willing to find a new job... Mostly because no one will hire me (even with managment now on my resume). I know I ranted on here about not being able to find a job back in december and january. The worst part was no one would give me a chance to prove myself. I do like the idea of talking to my HR director, but i dunno, the buisiness part of Taco Bell doesn't work like the actual stores do, so I think I'd rather stick with my original idea of talking to my manager (she hopefully doesn't want me to leave since I'm the second or third best manager she has). Plus I don't wanna loose the benefits I have at Taco Bell.

The greatest part of working Taco Bell is beingthe drive thru order taker XD people always say 'ma'am' when they talk with me. I mentioned on here a few months ago that my phone company wouldn't disconnect my phone over the phone because 'a male opened the account' and reguardless of me having all my information they could need they refused to disconnect my service. I also had trouble a few days ago getting my medical insurance cards sent to the right address. The lady was like "And who are you in relation to Michael Silvia?" I told her, "I am Michael Silvia." she then asked for the last 4 digets of my SSN in doubt. The only problems I have is with real life friends or when I'm stressed out. My voice relaxes and I don't ever catch it to try to keep sounding girly.

I really don't like the name Michelle =p thanks for the idea though. And my mom didn't have the coolest name picked out for a girl me.

[Mitera Nikkou]

So, sticking to plans doesn't go with the flow. Then how will you become a girl? (Geddit?) ;p

The only other thing that I can say is that you shouldn't hope for too much too soon. Just keep your goals and interests in mind to help guide your actions and decisions and, eventually, you'll get somewhere nice for a change. (Oh, I'm just full of puns today. ;p)