Ramblings of a madman...

[Axel Akutare]

Okay... this is probably gonna sound like one of those idiots on that Live Journal thing, but I don't have one, and I just need to vent something. First of all, for the purpose of this post, I'll reveal my real name. You can use it or not, I don't care. My name is Matt, an 18 year old college student living in Virginia.

Now, onto what I have to vent. Now... over my weeks without the use of my laptop, I was in deep thought. When I get into deep thought, I end up analyzing my life and the things that others do that end up making me anti-social. The first thing that I realized through my deep thought was that my life would be more complete if I found someone that I can spend my life with. Soon after I realized this, I started to think of why I haven't even come close to finding that person. You see, over my 18 years of life I have had zero luck with any acceptable form of woman. Well... what I mean by acceptable is not insane(I've had bad experiences with a druggie and a girl who stalked me because I "reminded her of her dead boyfriend"). I traced my low success rate with women to my anti-social attitude which stems from my childhood, where I was shunned. The reason I was shunned, however, was because of what I enjoyed doing in my spare time.

The first 5 years of my childhood was basically spent watching my brother play video games. This gave me a natural desire to play them. By the time I went to Kindergarten, I already had a vast knowledge of video games and a desire to play them over doing anything remotely athletic. This caused others in my classes throughout gradeschool to torment me in both gym class and recess. Eventually, I learned to stay away from them. Unfortunately, my cousin didn't learn to stay away from ME. He was the first one I ever brutally beat up during a black out. Getting rid of the black outs that resulted from emotional scarring caused me to develope an emotional detachment from things, making me that much more anti-social.

In this point in my life I still don't do anything athletic and I have an extremely vast knowledge on both Video Games and Anime. When this gets found out, I still get odd looks. But, I will not change at this point, mainly because I'm good at what I do and I've made a pretty good name for myself. My only real problem these days is that I sometimes get the feeling that I'm long overdue for finding love at any level. I mean, several of my friends have at least had a girlfriend that wasn't a maniac and a few are even married.

I think that I've ranted enough for this week. Next time, I'll discuss my theories on Destiny. That will make more sense.

[Rowan]

I can empathize.

I'll lay out my views on Love, Life, and Relationships.


Love is something that will happen when it happens. You need to meet people and form relationships with them. Most people will be aquaintances. Some will become friends. Fewer will become family. If you're very very very fortunate you'll find someone whom you share unconditional Love and Respect with.

You need to get out there and meet people though, and meeting people can be a very scary thing. Worse, forming a relationship with someone inevitably requires that you put your heart on the chopping block.

I'm not actively girlfriend hunting; I'm not closed to the possibility of a romantic relationship though. If I get a crush on someone its my strict policy to get to know them first before even considering anything beyond friendship. It helps weed out the crazies and such for starters. But it also helps me determine whether or not the person could be someone that I love unconditionally or not; and any romantic relationship where the couple involved don't love eachother unconditionally is selfish. I'd rather die all alone than be with someone just so I'm not alone.

You're young. And a lot of people your age do have girlfriends and boyfriends. Most of those won't last. And many of the marriages you speak of won't last either. Love is a fickle mistress whom blesses some and passes by others. The best way to better your chances of finding someone is to just go out and meet as many people as possible.

I've come to the conclusion that dating and romance as we know it is fundamentally flawed; where people go out mate hunting to find someone. That's no way to form a relationship and certainly no way to find the love of your life. Love is one of the ultimate expressions of being alive and should have a life of its own. Like a flame dancing on the wind, it writhes and twists and goes where it will, catching some places ablaze and leaving others untouched. And when the fire sparks a fire with the one, you'll know it. You will feel the warmth of a thousand suns when you're together and being apart will make you feel diminished but not sad, for you know you'll be returning to them soon enough and that your happiness isn't dependent upon them but is enriched by their presence in your life. This person whom you love you will also trust and respect. And their faults will be cherished as much by you as their noblest qualities; the tarnished and pitted stone of their being will be just as valued to you as the shining flawless gold of their character.

That is unconditional love. It is a rare and beautiful thing.

[Stellar]

Jeez Rowan, you made my eyes well up. I was so planning on typing something emoish cause the 14th is near and I can't stand this holliday, but you just melted all of my cold thoughts.

I dunno about true love, and meant to be stuff. I felt that way once and thought our relationship wouldn't end, but.. what did we know. I've always been something of an introvert, but even moreso the past year. I don't know what I'm ready for, I don't know if I'd beable to open up, but I do know it'd be ethereal to share love with someone again..

But I'm content in my own little world secluded from most everything (even MSF sadly) these days, so silly love isn't much of a priority =) (I do tend to get a little down sometimes, since everyone I've met in lotro is married XD)

[Rowan]

Awwwww. *Snugs Stellar* I'm a little ice melter aren't I?

[Axel Akutare]

I'm not very fond of Valentines Day, either. I ended up countering that with a made up holiday that I celebrate on the 13th. It's not a holiday that could help everyone, but it helps me.

[Mistress Guendolen]

Can I hear about it? I hate that day, too; I get so sick of having ugly fat Cupids and pink hearts rammed down my throat. My solution is to dress all in black on the day of. Maybe an alternative would be good. As for the relationships thing, don't sweat it; you have time. And what it sounds like you also need is a nice geek girl.... Yes, we exist. Girl video gamers and the like are out there. You just need to keep an eye out in settings where you might meet one. Then just shoot for friends and see what evolves. Even if you yourself feel like you would be unpalatable to a "mainstream" girl, you'll find a lot of geek girls are more broad-minded.

[Axel Akutare]

Well... the way I keep from turning into a lifeless husk on Valentines Day is celebrating a little thing that I call "Pantypalooza". It's a holiday that me and my friends celebrate that basically entails just sitting around on the 13th watching the absolute dumbest Fanservice Anime. Eiken, Puni Puni Poemy, Green Green, etc. Like I said, it won't help most people, but since I am the way I am it helps.

[Mitera Nikkou]

I saw this last night and I decided to sleep on my response. The only part of your post that said anything to me was the part about having a complete life with someone else in it. If that's what you've consciously arrived at, and it's not an irrational desire, then your problem is already solved. The only thing that stops you from having a significant someone is not in having them, nor them finding you, but by which means you define them as being there with you. In essence, does such a relationship demand marriage, sex, or a family, as the ultimate goal(s)? If so, then, by the sound of it, you're still alone.

Personally, if I weren't so detached and depressed, among other things, my life would be complete right now, despite the lack of marriage, sex and family. I'm fine with any number of people who truly care for me, which doesn't necessitate any kind of physical contact. I guess you could say that I live on a very low frequency.

All that I can recommend is that one of the best first-steps to take is to make friendships. And once you make a few of those you'll discover if their value is worth maintaining or appraising. The best of luck to you. Don't accept failures as failures, but as lessons. You'll get it right, eventually.

[Mistress Guendolen]

Ah. I'm afraid that won't help me, no. I'm not into fanservice, and thus don't own anything of that nature.... Me, I just try my best to ignore it. Which means staying home, because it's everywhere if you go out.

Well... the way I keep from turning into a lifeless husk on Valentines Day is celebrating a little thing that I call "Pantypalooza". It's a holiday that me and my friends celebrate that basically entails just sitting around on the 13th watching the absolute dumbest Fanservice Anime. Eiken, Puni Puni Poemy, Green Green, etc. Like I said, it won't help most people, but since I am the way I am it helps.

[Ferrix]

Really, though I agree with Rowan that dating is flawed, it still gives the participants something to engage in. The hard part (the part I can never get to) is figuring out how to get INTO the date. Indeed, I've had several crazy girls after me, too (From the girl that cuts herself so much I'm frightened to do anything to upset her to a girl that's super religious but thinks the only thing we men are interested in is sex, so if I won't have a relationship with her she needs to try to get me in bed), so the idea of dating is frightening, especially when you consider that the one time I've EVER been on a date was simply being picked up by the girl's father and being taken to the theater, where we watched some horror flick (Boogey man?), being picked up and dropped off at my house, and later finding out that on that very night the girl I was with put herself in a hospital because her previous boyfriend had raped her and the pressure of dating again was too much for her (Sound like a bad soap opera? ) . Now, I don't know if these bad experiences are the reason I think I prefer men, and I think that's probably completely irrelevant, but in truth, I'm getting beyond that fear, and have begun looking for someone to maybe casually date. Nothing physical, nothing serious, just casual dating for the sake of dating, and really, with some of the goals I have set ahead of myself, and the inherent time and money I have to spend on attaining my career choice, dating takes a step towards the side of being unimportant again.

OK, I'm pretty tired, but I'm going to reiterate this more eloquently: I agree that dating is flawed, but if one dates for the purpose of dating, and not for finding true love, from everything I've heard, you're still likely to have a good time for a while, and then be able to go on with life. As I've so clearly demonstrated, though, there ARE bombshells to be found in dating, however, and as I found out, many of them are completely invisible until you get hit, but if you manage to play all your cards right, the rewards of dating can be tremendous.