Sometimes I fake being a writer

[Xia]

“You know, despite what you are accused of, it has been a rare pleasure...interrogating you these last few days. We do not really catch heretics of your quality.”

The prisoner looks up, the blood from the gash across his forehead still dripping down his face. Despite his obvious fatigue, he cannot help but laugh. “I’d imagine you probably get a lot of people who protest their innocence til you execute them, but not like me.”

The inquisitor moves over to a small desk, taking a pen and scrawling something across the bottom of a sheet of paper. “Not quite up to your standard, no. Some of them, as you said, protest to the end, but they always resign themselves to their fate...but you, you neither confess your guilt nor do you proclaim your innocence...and despite your firsthand knowledge of what will become of you, you have not begged for your life or resigned yourself to your fate...All those other times I’ve asked have been mostly due to it being my job...but this last time...” the pen stops, leaving something unfinished on the paper. “Can you not provide anything to refute the charges against you?”

The prisoner closes his eyes for a second and you can almost hear the gears in his head turning as he formulates his reply, for an instant the inquisitor thinks he might have succeeded...he is one of the better ones after all, he is allowed a little bit of pride. All the others rely to much on harsher methods, but he prided himself on his ability...but when those eyes opened once again, and he was met with that piercing stare, those steel gray eyes, looking into his very soul, though he’d never admit it. He knew the substance of the answer before it was said.

“I have said what I’ve said and I’ve meant every word. To change or add something would forever taint me. Though, I will say, some will wonder if you can face certain death and not be resigned to it...heh.”

The man sighs and finishes signing the paper. “So be it then. Prisoner 379, Elijah Zair Kael. The order is hereby granted to revoke the stay on your execution. You will be burned at the stake on the morrow for the crime of heresy. May god have mercy on your soul.”

The prisoner, Elijah, closes his eyes. “Might I ask one favor...after I die, can you relay a message to those who witness it?”

“...perhaps...what is your message?”

I wonder if anyone will notice what I hid in there. Who knows, sometimes when I think I'm being obvious people call me obscure and vica versa. Oh well.

[Mitera Nikkou]

It only seems obvious on your end because you already know the idea, so whatever way in which you can conceive to reach it will also be obvious to you. ;p That being said, I didn't find any obvious thread with which to pull and thus unravel.

Given the circumstances, with the inquisitor and the heretic, there's not much to go on. I mean, if I were to suspect something TG-related, or even cross-dressing, the best that I can come up with is the prisoner cross-dressing. Other than that, with so little to go on, there's no real idea for why he is considered a heretic. Did he have some unorthodox ideas that he was spreading around? Who knows.

Other than wondering if the name has any significance, the only thing that really stood out in this piece, as an element, was the prisoner's supposedly soul-piercing gaze. But I can't see what that could mean.

There was the part at the beginning about the what kind of quality the prisoner was, as a heretic, but there's nothing, anywhere, that really defines what that statement means.

I really can't find anything without any idea of what to look for. At MSF I would assume something related to MSF-themed content. The only puzzling thing is the prisoner's attitude. I can't see how he can not be resigned to his fate if he knows what to expect yet doesn't even try to defend himself. There's no way to tell if the prisoner's fate is inevitable, although one would suspect that it is, so in that way it could also be seen as resignation by not taking futile actions.

As far as the literary portion goes, I only want to point out the one part that really glared at me.

but when those eyes opened once again, and he was met with that piercing stare, those steel gray eyes, looking into his very soul, though he’d never admit it. He knew the substance of the answer before it was said.

There's a train wreck at the first period. It reads like we're supposed to continue one, but we're forced to stop. And the parts (between commas) about the gray eyes and soul need to be adjusted, I think. "Looking" to "looked", perhaps? And perhaps the third comma could be replaced by "that." And "though he'd never admit it" seems awkward as it is.

Let's see how terrible my attempt to fix it will be.

But when those eyes opened once again, and he was met with that piercing stare, those steel gray eyes that looked into his very soul (though he’d never admit it), he knew the substance of the answer before it was said.

Someone with actual skill and knowledge of the English language can probably do better than me. ;/

(I think I just matched your post as far as word count is concerned. XD The scene you wrote was short, short, short!)

EDIT: I added "than me" to the last sentence, just before what I wrote in parenthesis, because I realized that it might be confused as a negative comment toward the writer instead of the intended target (that being myself).

[Helel]

Ahahaha, after our conversation last night, it's pretty apparent to me what you're hiding here, Xia. But I'll keep my mouth shut and see if anyone else can figure out what you hid in this little blurb.

[Ell]

Interesting... Though why does my mind keep screaming that's Richard Rahl up there?
Anyway, there are a few rough spots here and there, as well as some tense issues, but a good start. I'm honestly stumped as to what you've hidden in there, though.

Oh, and in regards to Nikkou's post:

... But then they open once again, and he is met with that piercing stare, those steel gray eyes that look into his very soul. And though he’d never admit it, he knows the substance of the answer before it is said.

would probably be the best way to go about it.

[Mitera Nikkou]

Helel:

Cheater.

And where's my backup Karm when I require emphasis?

Ell:

I think he meant for this, "he knew the substance of the answer before it is said," to be a separate idea from, "though he’d never admit it," and thus why he had put a period there. Or, at least to me, it makes more sense for the inquisitor to not want to admit to being "seen into/read" rather than knowing the prisoner's answer beforehand. Otherwise "knows" only works with the new sentence you made.

We'll know for sure when that lazy bum turns up again. He was here earlier but didn't reply. He's evil like that. ;/

[Helel]

Interesting... Though why does my mind keep screaming that's Richard Rahl up there?

Probably because Xia is a HUGE fan of the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind?

Things can take a new meaning when you know a bit of the inspiration that a person draws from, eh?

Also, for anyone still guessing about what Xia hid, that wasn't it. You'd have to have RPed with Xia in the past, or have a good knowledge about all her characters- at that point, the hidden fluff becomes clear as day. Sorta. Okay, so it's not pitch black any more, but it's still kinda hidden in there.

[Mitera Nikkou]

Do you know what I have to say about that? Onions have layers. *Presses onions into your eyes* Now die! >:O

And why do I keep hearing about Terry Goodkind, lately? My mother suggested (yet again) that I should read one of his books/series just yesterday. Is he the guy behind some new television series that will be coming out?

And for God's sake, Xia... I can't believe you dumped something like this and left it to turn white. ;/ On second thought, yeah, I believe it. You angels are all about your white. But why don't the stains in the underwear eventually become white? I guess the world will never know.

[Helel]

And why do I keep hearing about Terry Goodkind, lately? My mother suggested (yet again) that I should read one of his books/series just yesterday. Is he the guy behind some new television series that will be coming out?

Probably because Terry Goodkind is a fairly amazing Fantasy Writer. That said, the Sword of Truth (his book series) is being produced by ABC into a full blown TV series. So that may be why your mother brought it up. But regardless, the series is amazing. I'm in the third book at the moment (after dawdling on the second one for months) and can earnestly say that this is one of my favorite Fantasy series, even though I have a ways to go. I look forward to eventually finishing it.

[Xia]

Interesting... Though why does my mind keep screaming that's Richard Rahl up there?

Because I was one step away from adding "like a hawk" to the description of his eyes maybe? ^^ Helel is right in the fact that I am a very big fan of Terry Goodkind.

Ell and Nikkou: Thanks for the attempt to fix my grammar. I might be a student of COLA, but I certainly do not represent myself as an english major Also, I did in fact mean for "the substance of the answer before it is said" to be a separate thought.

We'll know for sure when that lazy bum turns up again. He was here earlier but didn't reply. He's evil like that. ;/

To this I respond, cheater~! Normal users cant actually see that.

Anyways, to the substance of Nikkou's first reply.

I really can't find anything without any idea of what to look for. At MSF I would assume something related to MSF-themed content.

As for whats hidden, it has nothing to do with MSF, anymore than the story this would be a part of revolves around one of my characters. The things I "hid" in there is who the character is and an important clue of what would happen next. I wager even Helel didn't get the last hint, though its there if you know where to look. Basically, two clues and one reference, the clues are right there in the open, then the reference only comes to the surface when you know who the character is (by way of the clues).

I can't see how he can not be resigned to his fate if he knows what to expect yet doesn't even try to defend himself. There's no way to tell if the prisoner's fate is inevitable, although one would suspect that it is, so in that way it could also be seen as resignation by not taking futile actions.

First off, unfortunately you've only this piece of the story to read, so there are things missing, it is understandable that you would think that he cant not be resigned to his fate. Also, he did try to defend himself, the passage says he doesn't proclaim his innocence, not that he refused to defend himself. Basically, he made his defense and left it at that. You say that it can be seen as resignation because he doesn't take futile actions...but why is that? Is it really resignation if you don't do actions you know are futile?

[Mitera Nikkou]

I kind of wondered if the story had something to do with you. The character's attitude reminded me of you. But I didn't think any further than that because there's not much that I know about you and your characters to get "inside" things. You know, like with an inside joke, only the people familiar with something uniquely between people will get it. You punk.

You say that it can be seen as resignation because he doesn't take futile actions...but why is that? Is it really resignation if you don't do actions you know are futile?

Yes. First, there's his acceptance of the fact that his testimony won't do him any good, and anything else would not be any better, thus having no need to proclaim. Instead, he acts passive to the process. And while he had been given the opportunity to say any more in his defense, he gave up the chance.

Basically, by understanding his own position, and knowing how futile it would be to try any more than necessary to defend himself before the inquisitor, he had resigned himself to giving/repeating one testimony (I guess that's what it's called) and leaving it at that.

If that isn't resignation, then I don't know what is. But, again, the tale is short and full descriptive of holes (being that it was intended for a choice few people to possibly understand the intent of the piece), so it's more or less open to debate. However, given what's there and what you've said yourself, I'd say that it is resignation.

[Xia]

Only a few people would quickly know who the character is, they still wouldn't know the substance of the story. The clues are there for people not familiar with the character to find out who he is (and you don't have to know me to figure it out.)

First: the name of the excerpt, "Profit"
Second: the prisoner's name - Elijah Zair Kael

Then, knowing what those two tell you, you come to what I see as the much more obscure hint, specifically, his prisoner number.

Like I said earlier, I'm not sure if I'm being obscure or obvious.

I'll post an actual reply to what you just said when I'm not stealing wireless 'net in between classes.

for now

The girl sat upright with a bolt. She breathed heavy as her gaze darted around the room, a scared, confused look in her eyes, of someone desperately trying to confirm that the nightmare was over. As she blinked the sleep away from her eyes, she took stock in her surroundings. It was, as far as she could determine, an ordinary hospital room. She looked around in the dark to find a clock, her mind hungry for information. Upon spotting one, she notes the time as a few minutes past three in the morning.

Something was wrong…something was very wrong

. . .

He walked through the hospital at a steady pace, looking always to where he was going, his body language that of someone who knows exactly where he is going. To others this man was normal, more than that, he was so perfectly normal that to everyone around him he belonged exactly where he is, wherever he is. As far as anyone watching would care (and they probably didn’t), he was the most unremarkable person they’d ever forget meeting. Anytime someone would catch eyes with him, they’d quickly seem to remember having something to do, or a flash of insight concerning whatever they were working on would come to be. Either way, this normal person would be quickly forgotten. If ever questioned, people would be hard pressed to remember he was even around, let alone what he looked like.

. . .

Her chest heaved as she tried to calm down, desperately trying to figure out why she was in the hospital. She remembered walked to school and bits and pieces of the school day, but as to anything that might land her in a hospital she remained clueless. Careful not to disrupt the various things attached to her person she began to move. Her body felt strange, different even. Nothing seemed to be broken, actually, nothing even felt wrong. It was the absence of wrong that was different. Some part of her knew that something wasn’t right, but she could not figure out what.

Movement caught her eye from across the room…she wasn’t alone. The outline of a girl. Okay, more information. She is in a general ward, so it cannot be anything serious. Still, that sense of wrong still existed. She didn’t know why, but that girl was important to the answer. She focused in the dark on the girl…and froze.

That wasn’t another person, but her reflection from a mirror, a mistake made due to the disorientation and the darkness. Something was wrong. This is much better now, the wrong she was feeling is that she is dreaming.

How else do you explain waking up in someone else’s body?

Note: this bit of writing has nothing to do with the previous one.

[Xia]

Ok, lets see...

First, there's his acceptance of the fact that his testimony won't do him any good

I don't see that as much proof of anything really. I see his testimony akin to telling a car heading towards you at about 50 mph to stop. Not really going to work very well. Besides, his charge is heresy. The root of such a charge is usually believing something different from someone else, and the someone else is quite fervent in their assertion that they are right and you are wrong.

And while he had been given the opportunity to say any more in his defense, he gave up the chance.

It was stated that the inquisitor had asked him that question several times already and you are to assume the only answer given was whatever he said.

This is akin to you being asked what 2 + 2 equals over and over, and being told 4 is the wrong answer each time you say it. Arguing with a brick wall only does you so much good, as far as I'm concerned.

[Mitera Nikkou]

So he's resigned to the fact that the car will not stop and will run him over. So he's resigned to the fact that his words will only fall upon a brick wall. What am I missing here?

It was stated that the inquisitor had asked him that question several times already and you are to assume the only answer given was whatever he said.

Right. The same thing. He didn't bother trying a different tactic, which was what I had eluded to. He was aware of, and accepted, the facts you stated. The problem seems to be that you're focusing on the circumstances and action, rather than the reaction, which is what resignation falls into. Resignation follows the acceptance of something perceived as true and not putting up an effort to change it, deny it, or resist it.