"What happens after dark."

[Queen Octavia]

Poor Keaton seems to be giving up.

Not quite sure I followed what was happening correctly, after Keaton tried to apologize to Katie, did she take over for a while, causing a memory lapse? Your story is by nature rather confusing at times.

I think a bit more explanatory narrative amidst the dialogue would help clear things up a bit, just my opinion.

I'm really wondering who will win in the end (I'm rooting for Keaton, even though I'm a big MtF fan), so keep it up!

[Lanzerus]

sorry, i forgot my english teacher's golden rule

"readers aren't mindreaders only you can tell them what is going on in your story."
=p don't worry the fight isn't up yet, i am more than strong willed, its not going to end that easy

[AshK]

Another great update as always! Keep up the great work!

Sincerely,
Dark Scout Cyclondia/Erin the Espeon/Ashley Elaine Tyler/ Minako Aino/Venus

[Lanzerus]

----
...- Yuki Nagato (Haruhi Suzumia no Yuutsu)
---

As He crawled into bed he knew that it would probably be one of his last few days in control of
what was going on. He just hoped that things didn't get to weird afterwards, or that Katie,
fixes the mistake she made while controlling him earlier.

The sun was shining through the window when keaton woke up. He stretched and climbed out of bed,
looking down he quickly looked up at the ceiling with his face with a major blush. Without any
idea of what he was doing he absentmindedly walked over to his closet and pulled out clothes
that seemed kind of blurry in his still sleeping eyes. He quickly got dressed and realized what
was going on and how he was dressed.

"Katie, you have got to be kidding I really don't want to have to deal with this so early in
the morning."Said Keaton already unhappy with how this day was going.

"Deal with what?"Said Katie with no idea what Keaton was talking about.

Then it suddenly dawned on Keaton as he dashed over to his closet and realized all of his
clothes had been replaced by more femine clothes and he looked down at what he was wearing and
realized in pure horror that his normal outfit he had placed at the very front of his closet
had been replaced by a white dress with matching under-things, and that he had put them on out
of pure habit.

Keaton quickly dashed off to the bathroom, and as he checked what he thought of yesterday as
his last hope, he realized, all hope was lost. Keaton felt dizzy and quickly passed out on the
tile floor.

"Are you awake hunney, you fainted in the bathroom." said Keaton's mother standing over him
while he was lying down on the bed. "Do you feel well enough to go to school?"

"Yes mom, I am pretty sure I feel good enough to go to school, its not like I passed out on the
bathroom floor mom." Said Katie.

Keaton then felt as if he had just been hit in the face by some sort of metal pan or bat. Then he noticed, he wasn't where he normally was, he was infact seemed like he was floating in what seemed to be black space, or when ever something that seemed to catch Katies attention to where he could hear katie's thought that seemed to be simple things like "Would Alex like to barrow this manga series?" or "will curt ask me out on a date today?" he felt utterly BORED. As his boredom grew he felt a sudden change as the floating stop and he could see his/her body and the ground.

"why did you take back over? Am I that bad as a person that you had to take back the body?" Asked Katie in his head, sounding just as fragile and naive as usual.

"No, its just, let me get more used to the actual mind and how i float and not stand." Said Keaton, ready to get to school. As he continued through out the day he realized he acted less like he normally did and acted more like Katie does. He found it truly discerting, because when boys walked by and stared at her she blushed and stared at her feet.(okay pronouns are seriously annoying, when its referring to JUST keaton, its he, when its reffering to keaton + body its She, when its katie ((Body or not)) its she)

[Queen Octavia]

Nice chapter, a good transition from the home to the school. I wish I had a dollar for every time I began a story/chapter with someone waking up, it's hard not to make it dry and dull, you did a good job of that. My recommendation for improvement would be to expand on the actions of the charcters Keaton interacts with.

For instance, in the conversation with his mother you could have described her facial features, the emotions she was expressing and whatnot. It is true that would be a bit more difficult in this situation, with Keaton's abrupt disconnect from the scene, but it would still make the characters around Keaton much more believeable and lifelike. Someone who interacts with believeable and lifelike things becomes much more believeable and lifelike themselves (Or at least that is what I like to believe ).

The description of Katie's idle thoughts and Keaton's subsequent take-over was amusing and well written.

I can relate to your trouble with the pronouns. I once tried to selectively use he/she for a particular character for different situations. I almost always used the wrong one. There was a method to my madness, but I screwed it up so much that the reader probably thought I was just using whatever one I felt like. I wish you luck on that ;p.

[AshK]

Excellent update as always. So Keaton is now in a Full Anatomically Correct Female Body, but he still has problems dealing with floating in the mind of Katie. Excellent update as always Taylor. Keep up the great work.

[Lanzerus]

---
in internet lingo i would say "SRRY DDS!" but i am better than that, i say "i am formally and utterly appalled, and aghast, i am most sincerly apologetic about my actions."

other than that, sorry about how long it took.
---

t seemed that after a while of being in control Keaton was seemingly getting slightly tired, she quickly decided it was just Katie attempting to gain control again, but Keaton still wasn't ready to just sit around and float and be some girl's conscience, at least not for a good life time or two.

“Hey, are you alright?”Asked the boy who sat in front of Keaton in history class looking mildly worried.”You look awfully pale and the entire school knows about how you tend to pass out from over-exertion, I really don't want to sit here and watch as you pass out and have to be lifted out of the room.” He said as if he had just relieved himself of a large weight attaching him to the ground.

“I am really really sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry about me!” Keaton said looking unhappy. “Maybe I should start getting more SLEEP.” She said, over emphasizing the word Sleep, as if a part of her brain were trying to leave a message.

“that actually sounds like a good idea, maybe you should go and lie down in the nurses office, I am sure that if you explained that you weren't feeling well she would let you sleep for a little bit.” said the boy looking as if Keaton/Katie had just came up with a wonderful new invention.

Katie quickly forced a quick action to happen in the body causing Keaton to raise her hand in the air and then ask the teacher if she could go to the nurses office. The teacher understanding what Keaton/Katie meant by the nurses office he quickly sent her off and told her not to come back until she felt better.

Thoughts went racing through Keaton's head as he walked down to the nurses office on his own will. “Why are you doing this Katie, do you really want to be in this world you called 'horrible'?”

“Its not a matter of what I want, its what WE want, I don't know if you knew it, by subconsciously you wanted to switch places with me, don't you remember the dream you had the first night you were 'sick'?” Katie asked, if Keaton could see her if thought he couldn't he could tell she was almost ready to cry.

“Um, no, most normal people remember dreams for a good 24 hours, I however am not normal and I didn't remember it as soon as I woke up.” thought Keaton

[AshK]

Nice update as always Taylor! Keep up the great work! It's better to take your time than it is to hurry through things.

Sincerely,
Ashley A./Cyclondia

[Lanzerus]

....because of a computer error, that caused (major hard drive wiping) minor problems, i lost all of this story so it will take me awhile to get everything steamed and flattened to be ready to be posted again.

[AshK]

Hey don't worry about it Taylor. Just take your time. The chunk of the story you posted on here before your Comp went Caput is still there. Take your time with the next chunk. I know it will be awesome!

[Lanzerus]

stick a fork in it and drop it on the floor, this one is dropped like a cold cut of meat.

[AshK]

You mean you are totally rewriting the story? Oh well, it's your story. You do with it what you wish. No matter what I know it will be awesome.

Sincerely,
Ashley A./Cyclondia

[Lanzerus]

----
re attempting story 3...2...1...*computer crash* NOOOOOOO!
---

from inside their mind Keaton saw Katie crying, Down on her knees tears running swiftly down her cheeks. " all tou want to do when you grow up is become a pshycologist, where as I want to travel the world and try to help everyone I can, you are SELFISH!" Katie said "You don't deserve to be the one living,Your ambitions are small, where as mine are grand and I want them fufilled." katie finished now gasping for breath with tear-stained clothes and bloodshot eyes.

"Ambitions? what do ambitions have to do with this?"Keaton said looking shocked at the sudden change from quite and submissive Katie into the angry and abusive Katie. "Also, Even if you COULD help everyone, you would be overwhelmed, there is too much anger and hatred in the world, there is no way to fix what is broken as badly as the human race is, even though we say we are the most advanced creatures on earth, we also carry the largest burden, Understanding our actions. We know what we do and what happened because of them. Animals and plants do things that kill other animals and plants, they don't understand what they did and they continue on living a care-free life, as for us humans, if we were to kill someone it changes the person completely. They go from nice and friendly to Cold and uncaring." Keaton said speeching everything he had gathered from weeks and months of psychology classes. "Humans as of know are 'unfixable' in any account."

"UNFIXABLE!?" Katie screamed walking over to where keaton was standing now in his own mind with his original male body. " I will show you unfixable!" She said slapping keaton hard across the face, causing him to fall and jerk back into their body with a horrible headache.

"Ouch, that hurt." Keaton said outloud

"what hurt Miss.Elwann?" Said the nurse sitting at her desk, looking up then directing keaton to sit down on one of the couches. "Lie down and rest, I will see if we can get your doctor to perscribe you with some sort of protien pill, because honey, you need more of it." The nurse said walking over to the phone on the wall with a look of worry

"Alright, I will see if I can get my mother to get a doctors appointment set up, also, can I get some ibeprofen?" Keaton said before passing out.

***

Keaton woke up several hours later in the hospital, she was quickly confused with nurses running in and out with doctors talking out in the hallway, and as she tried to sit up a nurse set her back down and whispered to her "its alright sweetie, just lie down and rest more, you passed out at school and we wanted to make sure nothing is wrong. We have called your mother and she will be here shortly."

"Alright." Keaton said before going back to 'resting.' with a sudden lurch he found himself back in his and Katies mind.

"Welcome back, so are you feeling better now, mr.unfixable?" katie said with still bloodshot eyes and tear stained clothes.

"I don't know what you did and why you did it, but why are you acting this way? I WAS an ordinary 15 year old boy, minding my own business hoping to get through high-school, and move on to a decent college and graduate with a masters in psych. When suddenly YOU show up and throw a wrench into my ordinary life."

"I will explain my motives at a later date, but right now you have someone wanting you to wake up." Katie said fading out of veiw as keaton woke up to see her mother stairing down at her.

[Sailor Ganymede]

"Nice to see you back on the Airwaves with another chapter! Great work on this one as always! Keep up the great work!

[Lanzerus]

I am pretty sure that if anyone were actually wanting to finish this story, then they would have been bugging me to finish it, i guess i just don't have enough talent, time to sharpen my skills and hide away in the mountains until I can actually write decently

THIS STORY IS DROPPED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!